I lost my mother very suddenly just over a month ago. My other half and I had just flown to Portugal. I called my parents the next morning (primarily to wish my dad happy Father’s Day), I spoke to her and she seemed absolutely fine, around 2 hours later she had a massive heart attack and died. I was initially in so much shock and felt numb, then reality hit. I had to put on a brave face to travel back and take care of all the funeral arrangements as my father was in a state. I am an only child so the onus fell on me to do everything. Added to that my mother hadn’t left a will or much money to pay for things so sorting out the financial problems was an added stress. After the dust settled, I have sunk into this reallly low depressed state of mind. I miss her constantly and often find myself crying (particularly first thing in the morning and last thing at night). I have no appetite and I can’t sleep. I know I should be getting counselling, trying to practice mindfulness and keep active, but I have lost interest in everything and find it hard to stay motivated. My emotions went into overdrive when I collected her ashes a few days ago, I’m at a point where I don’t know how to cope. When I try to speak to anyone, either they don’t understand as they haven’t been in that situation or they have their own problems so I don’t want to bother them. I feel like isolating myself is my only option. Does anyone else feel like this? They say time is a great healer, but how long will it take to accept that she’s gone? I miss her every second of everyday.
So sorry for your sudden recent loss. Much of what you say I have been through and it is very tough. My mum suddenly passed away 6 months ago at home on her own. I found her late one Monday night and a trauma I am left with. I am also an only child and my mum split with my dad many years ago and I don’t see him too often so it has been a fairly lonely overwhelming period of time.
I can’t say at this point everything will get easier but I will say that you will have good and bad days. Good and bad moments. I am still sorting my mums possessions after clearing her flat and I have many emotional trigger points.
It is still very recent for you and very raw. You must be kind to yourself, get support from those close to you if possible and use this community.
I have found it useful the last few weeks so I can see that what I feel is not abnormal and I’m not so alone. I am someone who finds it difficult to talk about emotions especially at the moment when it is something I don’t even know how to describe sometimes. I also feel the pressure not to bother others as everyone has things going on in their lives.
I am considering counselling although long waiting lists on some. I was recommended a book on this community which I have read half and it was pretty good so far. “A Grief Companion” by Sasha Bates. There are lots of online articles on this website as well which might help.
All my thoughts and take care.
Ah sudden loss of a much loved Mum is absolutely devastating, so I send my condolences. My Mum died unexpectedly in January so I know exactly how awful this time must be for you. I’m also the Executor for my Mum’s estate and the admin is not over yet, so I get regular triggers for my grief. All you can do is get through these early days as best you can. Research a little about grief and whatever you do don’t place any expectations upon yourself. Grief will always be with you but somehow you learn how to live with it. Tough days will be followed by okay days and emotions will go all over the place. My Mum loved her garden so I have some ashes in a special pot planted with flowers. Seeing it from my window brings me comfort. I also have unconsciously created a little indoor memorial which started with a favourite photo and over the months now has little vases and pots of flowers around it. These little things have helped me to get by. Best wishes xx
Thank you for sharing your story. My deepest condolences to you too. I shall check out the book you suggested. I think only children have it hard. It’s strange, but I often used to think of the eventuality of my parents death, but nothing actually prepares you for the actual event. Now I’m terrified of getting a call about my dad. I shall definitely call and book in with the grief counsellors too. Much love to you, I hope you too find the strath to pull through this.
My deepest condolences to you too. Thank you for your advice. My mum was an avid gardener too and I feel sad everyone I sit in her garden. I think creating a small garden in homage to my mum would be lovely. My father an I want to plant an olive tree in the garden and put some of her ashes there. I think she would have liked that. At least there will always be a place to visit and remember her. Much love to you during this difficult time.