I just found this online community and I thought that I would join. A little about myself, I’m a 40 year old mother of two great boys. One is 19 in college and the other is 9 years old about to head to the 5th grade. I have a wonderful husband and 4 dogs. I have a great life and great family. I loss my mother 11/6/17 after around a year long fight with lung cancer that took over her whole body. Man oh man did that woman fight it, but sadly it was to much for her. I was on my way to see her when she passed away early the morning of. My grandmother was in the other room sleeping when my mother took her last breath. What is making the pain of losing her hardest is that when I last spoke to her we had some choice words with one another because she still wanted to smoke. I would refuse to get her cigarettes, I just couldnt do it. I knew the addiction was so hard. I feel like that was my one last time to really tell her goodbye. I told her the last time I saw her that I loved her and I gave her a kiss. My mother met the world to me, it was only me and her most of my life. My father well, ehhhh he’s another story in itself. Just when I think I’m moving forward than something will get ahold of me and I find myself crying, dreaming about her, nightmares sometimes. I speak about her often to my family and friends. I miss her so much and I just wonder if this is normal to feel as though something just isnt right, something feels off and missing. I spoke to my mother just about every Sunday for years since I left home for the Navy and to begin my life. We would just talk about each and everything, now Sundays are so hard, I feel such a void and at times I fear I may not get out. Grief sucks.