My mum recently passed away on the 8th November. It was all very sudden and it has hit me especially hard. I was with my Mum in the morning when she collapsed and I was with her when she took her last breath by herself. She was in a coma for a couple of days but unfortunately her heart was not strong enough and she passed away. I was only 22 at the time and my Mum was only 47. It’s been so hard because she did not show any signs of something being wrong but she must have been in so much pain because she died due to bronchopneumonia. My birthday was then on 16th November and my first one without her.
I find myself in a daze most days as she was the Hub of the family and now I am having to sort the bills and look after my dad who is 77 and struggling so much after losing my Mum. I don’t know if anybody else is the same or ever used to feel this way, but I carry so much guilt with me about that morning I always think I could have done more. I should have spoken to her more that morning. I should have just told her I love her while I could. We have had her funeral, and it was so heart breaking seeing my mum being lowered into the grave. I never thought that would happen until I was at least the same age as she was.
I keep talking to her and expecting to see a sign she is there… I just am really struggling at the minute with how to process everything. Does the pain get less at some point? When will I know if she is there? I have never had to deal with grief and I never thought for a second that it would be my Mum. I miss her so much, I just need to speak to someone who understands I suppose.
Thanks so much for reading xx