Losing my mum suddenly

[han84]

Hi.. I guess I’m looking for someone to tell me that what I am feeling will get easier at some point.

My lovely mum died suddenly and unexpectedly 5 weeks ago.. she was fit and healthy and had no health issues.. she filled her retirement with hobbies and she adored my two boys, 13 and 10 years old.. she looked after them after school every Thursday and she also looked after my 10 year old nephew on a Friday. She would do anything for her grandsons.

I can’t get my head around the fact that she was here one minute, totally fine, had diner with my dad, put the bin out and then drove off to her Tuesday evening art club.. she was standing, chatting to her fellow art club members when she said she felt dizzy, fell to the floor and was dead.. she was worked on from the second she fell as a couple people in her art club were trained in CPR. They also had a defibrillator but nothing worked.. the ambulance carried on working on her all the way to the hospital but after 1hr and 20 minutes there was nothing more they could do.

even after a post mortem they still can’t tell what caused her heart to stop. They have taken some samples of her heart to send to histology and have said it could be at least 3 months until they can give us a cause of death.. but even then they still might not know.

I’m really struggling with the fact that she wasn’t poorly in any way.. there were no warning signs and the suddenly she was gone.

I feel so sad that she won’t get to see the grandchildren who she loved and cherished ever again. I know I should be thankful for the fact that she had them in her like for 13 and 10 years but I just feel like a hole has been ripped out of my heart.

I don’t know anyone who can relate to losing their mum so suddenly and unexpectedly when they were absolutely fine one minute and gone the next.

I know it would be horrible also to watch your mum suffer a horrible illness.. but I just can’t get over the fact we had no preparation or time to say goodbye.

If anybody can offer any words of advice or positivity I would be truly grateful.

Many thanks

[CJP]

My dad passed away suddenly and I know what you mean in the sense of one minute here Vs now they are not and it sucks I’m sorry my dad too wasn’t ill and then all of a sudden admitted to hospital and then he just got worse it’s so odd how it happened.

Just know your not alone and grief sucks but each day with the love from your boys and mama you will get through it.

[Hayleii]

Hey I am going through something very similar sending big hugs , I was at my mums for dinner on new years day she said she wasn’t feeling the hottest and had really bad heart burn, (nothing out of the ordinary for her she has a hernia) once we finished up dinner me my husband and two daughters 5&7 (who she adored and her world circled around) we headed home only to make it half way about 5mins for my dad to call and say he was dead in complete panic! I flipped the car around and he started CPR, police got there with defib and then paramedics, they got a heartbeat back and rushed her to hospital but unfortunately she had been starved of oxygen for approx 40mins and was later confirmed brain dead she was only 55 and didn’t have any heart problems at all!

I have just had to suck it all up to deal with the funeral, all her accounts and get everything in order as my dad hasn’t been coping and I’m an only child, I still feel completely numb and feel like am a ticking time bomb but don’t know when I’m going to explode

[Naoise]

Hi @Hayleii,

I’m so sorry to read about your mum and that you’re facing such a difficult time. It must be such a lot for you to process. Grief is deeply personal, and the way you are feeling is completely understandable.

This community is here to support you, so please keep reaching out.

Take care of yourself,
Naoise