I lost my mum 16 days ago. Her wishes were for an unattended cremation which has gone ahead. Im really struggling with this as i feel i cant move on. I miss her so much and im not sleeping very well and when i do i have vivid dreams of her. I have a supportive family but these feelings i have are awful.
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Hello @Jessieellie,
I’m Seaneen, and I can see you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.
The loss of your mum is very recent, so please do be gentle with yourself. I know that some people can find unattended cremations hard. You might want to read some other posts about how members have coped with unattended cremations, and things that they have done to remember their loved one.
You may also find these resources helpful:
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take good care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen
Hello,
I’m so sorry for your loss. 16 days is no time at all but I know it feels like a lifetime already. But it’s still so fresh! The first month after losing my mum was a blur.
Regarding the unattended cremation (which my mum also had), you just have to remind yourself that you respected her wishes to the very end and gave her what she wanted which is incredibly noble and kind of you. At some point in the future when you’re feeling up to it, maybe you could arrange a little celebration of life for her? Something that gives you the closure you need to cope.
Vivid dreams are very overwhelming. I sometimes still have nightmares and vivid dreams and they’re very unsettling. As I said earlier, your loss is still so new and raw. Hopefully with time, you’ll find sleep comes easier and the dreams become more settled and pleasant.
Sending you lots of love x
So sorry for your loss, an unattended crementation must have been extremely hard but i would imagine she didnt want you to have the heartbreak of planning and attending a funeral.i can’t imagine the pain and hurt you are feeling, as i guess you didnt experience a final send off like funeral supposedly do. I recently attended my Grandmas funeral and it was heartbreaking, my friends parents had said they would do an unattended crementation afterwards as they seen how heartbroken my family was. My heart goes out to you, so sorry for your loss once again, take care