I lost my beloved mother 2 months ago, I was her full time carer and I loved taking care of her, it gave me a purpose in life. I lived with her my whole life, 47 years to be exact. I hate how life feels now, nothing feels the same, the home I lived in my whole life feels alien. I feel like I died when my mum died.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is to lose your Mum as mine passed away suddenly and unexpectedly just over a month ago. I was also her carer and spent all my time with her. I suppose I’m very lucky as I had her in my life for 60 wonderful years. But it doesn’t matter how old you are, she’s still your Mum and the one person who was always there for you and loved you more than anyone else.
But now the loneliness has kicked in so so badly. There’s no one that needs my any more and time drags so much I struggle to fill it. The future seems very bleak without her and I just don’t know how I’ll manage. I too just want to be with her because it hurts so much.
I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel worse but it’s good to let all your feelings out. All I can say is be kind to yourself 
and do what you have to do when you need to. Cry, scream, whatever you need as this is your journey and only you know how you feel at any time.
Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself as well as you can and together we will all get through these difficult days. X
Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry for your loss. Life feels so pointless now, my whole life was to take care of my mum, my Dad died 20 years ago this December so now I have no parents and no place that feels like home anymore. I never thought about dying but over the last few months I truly thought about ending it all not because I wanna die, I just want the pain and the longing for my beloved mother to stop.
Me and my mum depending on each other and now all my benefits have stopped, I now have no money and no motivation to get a job. The thought of getting a job after taking care of my mum full time for the last 8 years is frightening, I’m so scared that it makes me miss my mum more, I want her to tell me everything will be okay. I hate how my new world feels, I miss my old life so much I just wanna die and be with my parents. Life truly has no meaning now I’m so lonely I just don’t want to be here anymore
I’m so sorry you feel like that. I’m in a very similar situation in that I was my mum’s carer for about 20 years and now there is nobody for me to take care of. The days are long and lonely. I too have lost my income and am struggling a little to manage.
Do you have any friends you can talk to? Or what about a bereavement support group near you - they may be able to help you. I’m going to try one in the next week or so to see if it helps.
Have you asked your GP for help? Contact them and tell them what’s happened. They arranged social prescribing for me and the lady that phoned me was very helpful in finding groups I could contact near me that I didn’t know about.
I’m going to contact them but its baby steps at the moment. I just do what I feel ready to do when I feel ready.
Your need to give yourself time and try to take care of yourself. I’ve been told it will get easier but that seems a long way in the future right now. I barely managed to get through the day without crying 
Sending you good thoughts and hugs. You are stronger than you think you are, I’m sure.
Hi @D1n0,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things are so tough right now.
I just want to echo @Sheena29 's very kind post about reaching out for support. The community is here for you, but it sounds like some real-life support would be a good idea, too. It’s very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You can also get in touch with your local Citizens Advice Bureau who may be able to advise on benefits.
You deserve care and support so please do get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Seaneen
Sorry for your loss , it is a very hard time emotions are unpredictable . Be patient an kind to yourself , its a huge life adjustment for u .
I have an appointment with a mental health nurse on the 22nd October.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post I called the Samaritan and found it a waste of time all they can do is listen and tell me generic advice that I can get off google. I also found the same with shout. I need therapy not someone to cry to, unfortunately I’ve had to wait 2 months for me to see a mental health therapist through my GP. I tried calling Cruse Bereavement and never been able to get through
Thank you for your kind words
Hi,
When I read your post, I thought I was reading about me. I am exactly like you. I’m full anxiety and loneliness (hoping to get counselling) looked after my mum a long time and before that my dad.
I can’t face looking for a job but I’m going to have to as you very well say me and mum lived together and done everything together. She was my protector, Guardian Angel and my everything. She had her pension and the allowance for disability and now I have nothing as everything is taken away (not that carers allowance was any good).
I’m lonely as have no family and the emptiness is deafening, I’m so angry that mum has left me as she was so with it and we had so many conversations, cooked together, watched tv together.
I’m so gutted and just simply surviving, how can my life ever get going again with this emptiness!! 
I’m so sorry that you feel the way I do. I’m hoping that the mental health nurse can sign me off for months not weeks, I have PTSD after watching my beloved mother die it’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever had to experienced seeing my mother slowly die, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. I also have carers grief syndrome along with complicated grief.
Hi. I just thought I’d join in this conversation again as I never dreamt that there would be others in exactly the same situation. I lost my wonderful Mum almost 6 weeks ago and I am devastated. I looked after her and now she’s no longer with me, like you, I have lost all my income including carer’s allowance. This just makes the stress of everything worse.
I’m on my own (no partner or children) and there’s no one to turn to when I feel bad, upset or just want a cuddle. For years since my Dad died it’s just been me and Mum against the world and now it’s just me. This is a club I didn’t want to join.
My family all have their own lives, and they are there when I need them, but I don’t want to pester them and make a nuisance of myself. Sometimes I think I don’t want to be here without Mum, but I know I have to try. I have a bereavement meeting with a mental health nurse today so maybe that will help.
I’m sorry to rant on, but I just needed to let it out to others who may understand.
Maybe in time we’ll begin slowly to heal.
Stay strong everyone and I’m sorry for what you’re all going through. We didn’t ask for this!
I lost my Mum 4 weeks ago. It was very sudden and a huge shock.
I’m 47 and thought she would be with me for a few years more before I would have to face this.
I totally understand how you are feeling. There are times when I feel overwhelmed with grief and I don’t like to think of a future without her as it’s too painful to think about.
You are not alone in how you are feeling.
Sheena29,
I’m in your exact position. I’m feeling worse now as the darker nights draw in and the cold sets in and I’m on my own at home trying to make sense of it all.
I would do anything to have my mum back, it’s just not fair is it?
Knowing that there are a lot of people out there in this situation is helping me cope as sometimes you feel this has only happened to you and why is everyone else is getting on with their lives and have kids, partners etc. It’s a very unfair and I just wish there was a coping mechanism but I know life has changed for me and I’m no longer the person I was as I have a broken heart and an emptiness that nothing is going to fill!!
I hope to keep receiving all your messages so we can give each other courage going forward. Xx
Sorry for everyone struggling with the loss of their lovely mums.
@Holly47 I could have written your post. I knew my mum was ill and it was unlikely I’d have her as long as I wanted but I thought I’d have her a few more years. I’m early 40s and I also lost her 4 weeks ago. I know she is now no longer suffering but I’m sad I couldn’t have her for longer.