This is my first post. My mum was my best friend, I lived with her up until she passed away 4 years ago and I now live with my dad. Over the past 7 months I have been experiencing panic attacks, anxiety and depression and finding it hard to go outside. Up until this week I had no idea where this all came from until someone mentioned perhaps you haven’t grieved for your mum, and I replied no can’t be as she passed 4 years ago, she was 80 and her main worry was that she would of had to go into a home as she had Parkinson’s but she passed before then so for her she would of preferred it, and at the time I just got on with things, organising her funeral with my dad and went back to work and was strangely calm and not emotional about it, until her first anniversary when I got upset for a week but managed to get over that. The more we talked, and was asked how mum passed the more upset I got and since then been very emotional 
so was wondering if anyone else has experienced anxiety and depression years later xx
Hi @Pips13
I experienced something similar when my mom passed. She died 5 years this April 
, brain tumours, it was during COVID so we, my dad & I had to care for her at home 
. My dad is an alcoholic, so it was no fun having to tiptoe round him, & care for mom, while watching her gradually deteriorate. When she passed, it’s like I was on autopilot for the first year, there are things that would remind me of her, & I would cry a bit, but generally, I got on with things, found a support group run by the charity mind. I think in some part, having to tiptoe round dad’s drinking distracted me, it’s hard to explain but, as anyone who has lived with an alcoholic will know, it means you feel on edge, waiting for the next incident, & dread the minefield your going home to. The second year was a really tough one, my mom loved me very much, she was my safety net, the person I would talk to when I had a problem, . Our parents are such a big part of our lives growing up, they’re there through so much, that we can’t imagine the world without them, though we know realistically that no-one lives forever, we assume they will always be there , so it’s such a shock when they go. Grief is a process, look after yourself, & do what works for you, some people make a scrapbook or memory box of their loved one, some people write them a letter, or keep a bereavement journal to track their mood & thoughts, personally I can totally recommend this, I use something of my own invention I call the “inside out technique”, after the Pixar movie, I colour code it by emotions, blue for sadness, red for anger, purple for fear/anxiety, green for disgust, & gold for joy, & write down my thoughts in the appropriate colour. Depression in grief is understandable, loosing a much loved parent is a big change. Sending hugs of support.
As for struggling to go out, that must be tough, I hope you have people around who can support you.
In my school years I was bullied quite badly, & when I left, had the same problem, but I worked through it by creating a confidence ladder, basically a picture of a ladder, & on each rung, you write a goal, start small, & put your ultimate goal at the very top, then break it down into manageable chunks. 
If it will help, maybe a councillor, would be a good support with this. Hope this helps.
Thank you for replying, and am sorry to hear about your mum it must have been extra hard navigating her care around your dad. I like the sound of your ‘inside out’ technique and think will give it a try 
. Regarding not going out, I pay for a counsellor who is supporting me, but am well aware that it is down to me to take a leap of faith & push my boundaries to go out. Take care of yourself xx
Hi i lost my mum 17 months ago! Still very painful she was my whole worldmy dad is in a care home which he hates. He had parkinsons and I feel very guilty he’s there. My mum and dad were married for 61years! Hes really struggling and missing her
life has changed so much, im just going through the motions each day of living 
sending you hugs 
xx
Sorry to hear this - my mum had Parkinson’s and I ended up caring for her at home with my dad which was hard as she wouldn’t go into a home xx she passed away within a week of having an infected toe, which turned into Sepsis & Pneumonia which was Covid times couldn’t go in and see her, so dropped her off with an infected toe and a week later was called into say goodbye when she was not conscious as pneumonia and she passed a few hours later!!’ I miss her so much and want to talk to her more than ever as anxiety and depression taken over and as she was my best friend she would be the person I turned too to talk too! I stay like with my dad but as he has heart failure I am scarred how much stress I am causing him and am feeling like a right burden to all family & friends!!! X it’s been hard xx
Im so sorry to hear thatits just so hard! People seem to move on but were stuck with this pain, they seem to think your okay now but its constantly there! My dad is on the phone all the time wanting to know when im going to visit him. I go see him at least 2 or 3 times aweek! Amazing you looked after your mum, my mum. Died of septis, had an open wound on her leg for a few months that got infected. Im worried how long my dad has not sure I can handle any more heartache xx
I agree people seem to move on, I thought I had until over the past 7/8 months when anxiety & depression has set in and my life has been limited and not able to go out much, or if I do then have to pick up the courage and push myself!! Constantly worry about losing my dad as only way got through past 4 years is focusing on my dad! It so hard, you have my empathy 
xx
Thankyou for replying, it helps to talk to people in the same situation knowing your not alone and struggling with this ever lasting nightmarexx