Losing my mum

Hi, I lost my mum on Thursday morning. She had liver cancer which the drs had said had more than likely spread to her brain. She had previously recovered from womb and bowel cancer in 2020. Then liver cancer hit. I don’t really know where to start…

On July 14th I was at my mums and she was talking, holding my 8 month old and although tired she was functioning and happy. Then on July 28th she was gone. I am finding it really hard to come to terms with and it still doesn’t feel real. All the medical professionals who looked after here are in such shock at the speed in which she declined and sadly died. I just don’t know how to accept it.

I am so sad obviously but I feel like I should be more sad. I feel like I should feel like I have been hit by a tonne of bricks. She was my world and never a day went by where we didn’t talk or text. So why do I feel this way? Am I in shock? Did she not mean as much to me as I thought she did?

I honestly don’t know what I need to do next? We were all with her in her final moments and all I can hear when I remember her is her breathing and my step dad saying “she’s going, she’s going”. Watching someone die in front of you is heartbreaking and something I will never forget. She wanted us all there and I can take peace knowing we respected her wishes. But hearing and seeing it will haunt me forever. I can’t get her face, her hair and how one minute she was warm and then an hour later freezing cold.

I’m sorry I’m just babbling on. I don’t know what to say or who to talk to. I just need to know what I can do to accept her death.

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Hi my mum died 8 week ago from bile duct cancer and her story sounds similar to your mums, she had already had cancer in 2018 and beaten it only for it to return in 2021 in her Bile ducts, we where under the impression that she would be having chemo then having the cancer cut out but in may she collapsed and had to be admitted to hospital where she spent just over 4 weeks. Doctors then gave us the good news she’d be ready to come home on the 4th of June if a doctor was available on the ward to assess her, this wasn’t the case and we where told it would be after the jubilee weekend… the day after this the 5th of June she died just like that! How could we of been told she’d be coming home one day to her dying the next? Total shock I shut down and went into denial. It hit me more after her funeral. I was very close to my mum I spoke to her every day over phone or text and we would go shopping or I’d always be round her house with my 3 kids, she doted on her grand baby’s. I miss her terribly but know she would want me to carry on making her proud xx

I have lost my mum too your feelings are valid try and take care of yourself weather it’s going in the garden visiting a special place have you any photographs of your mum maybe put one at the side of the bed when you feel ready perhaps listening or watching something with your mum in I don’t know what happened to your mum regarding funeral but if she was cremated you can now get a piece of jewellery made of her ashes for instance a necklace or a ring made of her ashes you can also get a bear with her voice recorded in it ( of course you will need to provide the recording) you may need to do some research but it is possible I hope this brings comfort to you