Losing my mum

Losing a parent
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Hi everyone, my name’s lisa and I’ve come on here to chat to people who are going through grief. I lost my mum on the 27th of January and my dad on the 19th of September 2019. I was struggling with losing my dad has we was close,yes he’d had a good life lived till 91 but he was my dad and oh how i miss him,i had counselling, medication to help but i had a couple of breakdowns over it!!! I got myself a little dog and named him billbo after my dad. My mum was there for me too but it was so hard. I have a few illnesses and after losing my dad i got diabetes then a overactive thyroid which needed treatment then it went underactive so medication for life!!! I seemed to be getting abit better when my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer in September 2020 she was told she wouldn’t handle treatment for it and bowel cancer was slow growing so she would probably have years … i had 16 months with her, helping my stepdad watching her suffer!! My sister was useless she wasn’t there for my dad now my mum!! I was with her when she passed, but I’m struggling again this time round seems harder has my mum was always there for me to help me with my illness and my best friend, we did nearly everything together :heart: i know it sounds silly but i feel like a adult orphan. I’ve got 2 dogs now and a partner and they are what keeps me here plus my stepdad has he is struggling like me… i just dont know how to keep going though :confused: i have upped my medication well the doctor has, i just hope it starts to work!!! Is there anyone who has any advice and would like to chat… x

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Hello

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Rhi

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Hello @Burt17. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your step-dad but perhaps you two can support each other through the shared loss of your mum? When my dad died in 2010 I didn’t really talk much to my mum about him for fear of upsetting her and showing my own emotions. Experience has shown me a different view. My mum died in March 2021 and my husband on August 2021. If only I had known back in 2010 what I know now. I wanted to talk endlessly about my husband and still do. To share memories and anecdotes, to laugh and to cry without embaressment with people who loved him too. I didn’t do that for my mum when my dad died. If only I had known that actually that’s exactly what would have helped us both. I thought by not talking about him it would spare her feelings but now I realise the opposite is true. It’s not as if I would be reminding her that dad had died. She was reminded every morning when he was no longer there. Talking and connecting with others is what I found helped me the most. I hope it helps you too, so that you may find some peace of mind and comfort in your life. Take care.

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Thank you for your message. Sorry to hear about your losses. Me and my stepdad are helping each other has my stepdad is struggling too,they had been married nearly 37 years it would have been their anniversary 5 days after mum passed!!! I still can’t believe she has passed away and the suffering she went through at the end,my stepdad thinks the same… we’ve had a good cry together and we talk about her,but i would give anything to have her back. Xx