Hi I don’t really know what to say or how to say it. I’ve just found this online group and read some conversations. I’m hoping this will give me some kind of comfort.
I lost my partner on the 29th July, 10 weeks ago to suicide. We have two young children a boy and a girl 7 months and 4 years. My heart is breaking for my children. Every day is really hard and I’m just surviving at the minute I can’t see anyway out of this sadness, I cry everyday. I’m only 26. Is anyone else going through this?
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Dear Ellie7
I am so sorry to read about the terrible trauma you are going through.
I lost my wife 10 months ago to a heart attack. We had been married for 48 years and I am still trying to come to terms with her loss.
As you must know there is no magic solution. All you can do is survive day by day or even hour by hour. I find my mood changes throughout the day and I try to adapt my activities accordingly.
You have your two lovely children who depend on you and I guess you need to apply a certain detachment from your true feelings in order to protect and look after them.
The only advice I can offer you is that you should prioritise what is really important, everything else can wait.
Make sure you look after yourself. Try to eat even if it is just three small meals a day and drink plenty of water. Also get what sleep you can even if it is just a nap.
I have found this website really helps because you are among fellow travellers who understand grief. Just posting here helps to sort out your thoughts.
My heart goes out to you. Take care.
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Dear @Ellie7
I’m so sorry for your loss - this must be absolutely earth shattering for you.
My husband died in March and I am left to bring up our teenage son alone. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you with two young children, having to grieve whilst also being a caring mum.
There is a website called Widowed and Young (WAY) which you may find helpful.
Unexpected death is difficult - all those conversations we never get to have, or the questions we never got to ask. I replay my husband’s last day looking for a way I could change the outcome - of course the past can’t be changed.
For me, I found posting on this forum helped me a lot when I felt isolated because thankfully none of my friends had experienced anything like this.
You’re early on in your journey. All you can do it try to take care of yourself even if you don’t want to.
Also, I don’t know whether you’ve applied for Bereavement Support Payment? If you’re eligable it will definitely help with the bills.
Take care and please feel free to post any time x
Hello Ellie7,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.
We’re all here to listen and respond whenever you need to write. There are many threads on this forum about the range of emotions and challenges that grief brings.
I hope you have some support around you - I’ve found counselling helpful and would definitely recommend it.
Sending you my very best wishes.
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Hi, thank you for your response. I’m shocked with the 3 responses to be fair I didn’t think I’d have any. It’s some what nice to see other people are in the same boat as me.
It’s just completely awful. As you probably know, some days are better than others, some days I feel positive and ready to take on life as a single mother but the other days I genuinely don’t want to be here anymore, the pain is too much.
I know the things I have to do in order to be ok it just seems impossible without him.
We had so many plans, he was only 27.
I’ve had the bereavement payment. I’ve also looked into counselling/therapy for my 4 year old daughter as she was completely besotted my him as he was her. I just can’t get my head around why he took his own life.
I’ve also looked into other therapy/council long for myself, I think now I just have a negative thought on it because it’s never going to bring him back so why do I need to do it. I know I do though.
That’s why I came on to here to at least share my thoughts and get some response from peoole that are going through the same thing.
Life just seems heavy and at a dead end now, I can’t ever see me being happy again, it was perfect my old life.
Thank you for taking the time to respond I really do feel a sense of relise already.
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Thank you so much!
Ellie 7 omg what a total unexpected trama my sweet …two young guys to care for and all the heart ache 
. Im so thinking about u and your family just so sad 
just awful
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Yes it’s awful. I wish things were different, I’m just so sad my children aren’t going to see or say daddy again. It breaks my heart. Thank you for your kind condolences x
Just try keep strong. One day u will all pull through…may seem a long way off but in time …a long time…things will get better…u wont believe it
.but it does happen…just little steeps and they end in miles…eventually
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Hi Ellie,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the total shock you must be in. We’ve all lost someone so know first hand what a trauma you’re going through, but having to deal with it so young and with your young family too is absolutely tragic.
Its natural to feel the whole range of emotions. Disbelief, denial, anger, hatred, fear of the unknown. I wish i could take away all of our pain.
Your babies have a lovely mum and you will see them through this and they are the reason you will get through this too.
Its all raw for you just now , but it will get better. The only way is up.
I can tell you are a caring mum, but please remember to care for yourself too.
Take care.
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Oh Ellie, I am so so sorry for your loss and the loss of your children’s father. Death when it happens, is so devastating that you only begin to understand grief when it happens to you. I lost my husband of 53 years in April and I still cry every day. To cry is to love and although your grief will be complicated, as time goes by, and with the help and support from your family and friends you will learn to live a different life. Have you reached out to the charities that help people who are having to live with such a devastating experience? I am sure they will be able to offer you some comfort. If I could I would give you a big hug but I can only offer you my love and thoughts. Take care.
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Dear Ellie7
It’s heartbreaking to read through the replies to your post. It seems we haven’t just lost a partner and best friend but we’ve lost our soulmate. Partners and best friends might eventually be replaced, but soulmates are at a spiritual level and, to my mind, they last a lifetime both in this life and the next.
As I looked at her photograph the other day I realised that her face is the most recognisable face of any human being in the world. Her face is more familiar to me than even my own, because the image I have of myself is from a mirror, which is obviously a mirror image.
Look after yourselves everyone.
Hi! I joined this site afew weeks ago. I’ve never actually brought up the courage to write anything but have read many of the messages people have wrote and have helped me in many ways.
After reading your message ellie7,my heart goes out to you and your children. I lost my partner of 17 years to suicide also.he died just coming up to 2 years now .our children were 8 and 11! I still can’t get my head around things. He liked a drink but hadn’t realised how much. I found alot of things out and to be honest and it’s been horrendous. Life is hard but the kids keep me going. I went to a few meetings ‘bereavement by suicide ‘,everyone was so lovely ,caring and understanding. Just sat and listened to people. I think this was quite positive for me.I think until you have been through this ,it’s so hard to understand everything. We need answers but unfortunately we will never be able to get these.i still cry everyday but definitely no where near I like I did. i just want to give you a cuddle I feel so much for you. Xx
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