My 31yr old son was found dead in his flat on Wednesday, I rushed over there, he was on the floor in his pyjama bottoms, he was freezing cold and stiff, he had blackening finger tips, the police said he might of died two days before, I cuddled him the best I could, he was diabetic, we don’t know how he passed yet, I can’t get the picture of him laying there out of my head, so many things going through my mind, did he suffer or call out my name or my wife’s name for help, the pain it unreal, I can’t sleep or function, I really don’t know what to do with the grief and guilt for not being there
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@Martin21359 I am so sorry. All of us on here are suffering in the same hell. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 4 weeks ago and I don’t know what to do with the grief which is overwhelming me. Even so, which each on our own journey, and there are aspects of your pain that are unique to you. Stay in the group - no-one who hasn’t experienced this could ever imagine the pain we have. When I found this group I spent a long time just reading the threads. I didn’t have anything to give and couldn’t do much except press the heart button. I am beginning to find the strength to respond to people, which I hope helps them, but helps me as well. Please give yourself time and compassion. I can only send you love.
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Hi Martin we have just read your post. We are so sorry for your loss and we know the devastating pain you are going through as we lost our son suddenly and unexpectedly in March. I’d like to say it gets easier over time but it doesn’t you seem to find a different way to live. We’re still grieving every day for our son. If you wish to talk anymore please do so. Sending hugs x
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Hi Martin
Im so sorry for your loss of your SON.
You need to let your emotions out and keep talking about him . He is always going to be with you all.
I know your pain i too found my beautiful daughter Elizabeth aged 31yrs in April 2025 on her bedroom floor. Its a sight i will never get out if my mind. Elizabeth died of SUDEP. She is at peace now and that’s all I have for now but I miss her every second of every day 
.
Please contact me if you need to talk.
Take care
Sharon x
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My eldest son, age 40, was found dead at his home on 8th Nov 2024. Paramedics suspected he’d passed away up to 24 hrs before … we will never know.
It’s past a year now, it’s certainly the most traumatic and painful thing to ever happen to a parent.
We waited 16 wks for the PM report, he’d died of ischaemic heart disease. Something none of us knew, including him. I too have wondered frequently about his ending but have begun to realise that when I start questioning in my head ( I call it spiralling ), I need to try and think of other things. It has become a mechanism to cope. Obviously I am a year down the road. You are fresh and shocked and everything is raw.
I found writing down my thoughts when I couldn’t speak for fear of breaking down and not being able to stop, helped a bit. I wrote anything and everything. Now when I read it I can see how panicked, confused, angry, distraught I was.
I can’t tell you it’s easier now, but I’m more at peace than I was I suppose. I had days when I had to force myself to get out of bed.
I have a husband and 3 other grown children, but it’s still hard for everyone. My son has a now 9 yr old son and I grieve for him too.
Life for all of us has changed. It’s a long, hard road but we have to keep going.
Talking on here helped a lot too. I believe you have to do what’s right for you. I’ve probably been selfish, rude to people, and less understanding but others cannot understand unless they’ve been where we are. I make no apologies. It’s just what it is.
Hopefully you will eventually find your own way through and there will be less pain and you will remember the good times.
Hi Martin
We lost our amazing 24 year old son on 31st March 2025 . He died of sudden cardiac death syndrome. The best advice I can give you which has helped me, is not to look too far into the future. Only think of what you can do to get through the day. Busy yourself with everything and anything just to fill the day. It won’t stop you thinking every minute about your lovely son but instead of focusing 100% on him , you will only focus 95% on him whilst the other 5% is on the activity you are completing. It just gives your brain a little bit of a break from the trauma. And don’t think of the future. It only pulls you down even further into your grief thinking about the future without him. I hope this helps , even just a little.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son on 14th July. He had cerebral palsy and epilepsy. He hadn’t had a seizure for about 6 years. I went into his bedroom so bright and happy. Said he was a good boy for not waking me in the night and then realised he was gone. I rang 999 and they talked me through getting him on the floor and doing CPR but I knew it was too late. Don’t feel guilty. I have been going on trips away with family and friends. It does help, although coming back to an empty house is hard. X
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@Martin21359 Our daughter died suddenly in April this year, and we think she had died 2/3 days before her colleagues found her in bed at her home - mostly because of when activity on social media stopping. We didn’t get to see her at that stage as we live in Ireland and she lived in Scotland and her body had already been removed for post-mortem when we arrived. I struggled with that but think that was possibly a blessing.
I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to hold him. I also wonder if Niamh knew, even briefly, but believe her heart just stopped in her sleep. I work hard to reconcile my feelings about it to a belief that Niamh was not really there for those few days - the essence of who she was had been set free from a body that kept letting her down.
I have held tightly to focusing on the last times we’d seen her, the last hug , the last phone call, the love. It doesn’t always work but I will always try.
Sending you hugs.
Hello niamhsmum
Im so sorry for your loss of your daughter.
I know it’s hard to understand why we out live our beautiful children. Please take the peace that she loved you unconditionally.
I too lost my beautiful daughter Elizabeth aged 31yrs in April this year to SUDEP. I found Elizabeth on her bedroom floor in her flat its a sight i wouldn’t wish on anyone. The immense pain of seeing your child laying motionless is horrendous.
Im finding going to the local spiritual church is helping and ive had a couple of readings where Elizabeth is telling me to stop sitting on my grey chair next to her resting place.
Im always here if you need to talk.
We are all Angel mums and dads now .
Sending hugs to everyone.
Xxx
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Im sorry for jumping on to this thread as I didn’t lose my son unexpectedly.
My son was 24 when he was diagnosed with a rare form of skin cancer where there have only been 70 cases worldwide.
Im March 24, my life completely changed when my son was diagnosed. We were told there were treatments he could try and there were many cases of people successfully beating this truly horrible disease.
In April 24, I asked for a telephone conversation with my son’s consultant and he told me that my son will not survive this cancer has he has a very rare mutation which evades the treatment and it is only a matter of time until the cancer spreads.
To say I was utterly devastated is an understatement. I couldn’t believe that I was going to lose my beautiful beautiful boy.
I decided not to tell a living soul about that conversation, not even my husband as I did t want my son to know what the outcome was going to be and I wouldn’t take the risk of him knowing.
I carried that burden by myself and kept telling him that the treatment is marvellous and he will beat this.
Unfortunately as it had spread to brain, the consultant told me, it is just a matter of months and explained to me what I had to look out for.
My son and his brother had always wanted to go to Berlin and in Oct this year , they booked the trip and looked forward to it. At the airport, my son Ben, became unwell and had to cancel the trip. He was taken to the local hospital where he had a massive seizure due to the cancer in the brain. They didn’t think he would survive the night, but he did.
When he woke up from the seizure, he basically had the mind of a 4 year old.
He didn’t know where he was or what had happened and the docs told me and his family that he had approx 2 weeks to live.
They asked if we wanted a hospice and I said no as Ben didnt know that his cancer was terminal and I did everything I could to ensure that he was never told.
He came home to us and died in his own bedroom on 06/11/25 surrounded by his family.
To say that I am absolutely devastated is an understatement.
He was my youngest child and I lived him from the moment they placed him in my arms.
It’s now been 7 weeks since he died and the pain is becoming unbearable. I consoled myself with the fact that he didn’t know and slipped peacefully from this world to the next , but the thought of never holding or seeing my boy ever again has now hit me .
Everything reminds me of him and I spend my time crying uncontrollably wanting my boy back.
Once again, so sorry for hijacking this thread, I just needed to write it down .
Jo xx
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You were so brave to carry the burden of knowing the eventual outcome for your beloved son, Ben.
Hold onto the good memories, I found writing down my thoughts and feelings helped in the early days.
This time of year is harder because of the expectations of happy family times.
Take each day as it comes.
My son was called Ben too. He was found on 8th November 2024 so this is my second Christmas without him. I visited him this morning and had a chat.
Sending you a virtual hug, I won’t say it gets easier but it does begin to feel different ( for me anyway ).
You don’t need to apologise - what a huge weight to carry on your own. We all try to do our best - for our child, and for family members/friends and we absorb the stress where it clashes. You’ve been amazing in an impossible situation and I believe somewhere your son will know this. You have probably been sustained on adrenalin so it is now even harder when it is over.
Our daughter had MS and wanted to keep that strictly private - she didn’t know that secret was was so hard for us, as her parents, to carry. It, and the side effects, probably masked the symptoms of the heart condition that she died with. We had to wait for a post mortem - then piece together what we think was her reality in her final months. We have reconciled that she lived her best possible life, despite obstacles, right to the end. I think it sounds as if your son did also.
I still break down unexpectedly (my husband is the “strong silent type”). It’s normal - it reflects how much you have clearly loved your son and you will, I believe, learn to live with this in a new normal. Sending virtual hugs.
Hi Niamhsmum and fjl,
Thank you so much for coming back to me.
Yes you are probably right about living on adrenaline for the last 18 or so months. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I say in my car and cried like a baby because of the weight of it.
I felt like I was wearing a mask for so long trying to be positive around everyone knowing that my son was slowly dying.
Some people called it anticipatory grief which they say is worse than the actual passing, but I disagree. At least my boy was here and I could hold him and talk to him and laugh with him, yet now I have nothing.
Watching him die was the hardest thing i have been through even though I knew the inevitable was coming.
Because he regressed to the mind of a child, he didn’t ask any questions, in fact , he never asked any questions throughout his diagnosis and just assumed that he would be cured.
I am so thankful for that as he was never told he was dying and he never knew even at the end because I lied to him about his pain meds and told him that the doctors had said he was getting better and that’s why they let him home. I told him that his pain driver was because they had to reduce his meds over time and soon he would be up and about.
I hated lying to him, but I could never for one minute let him know the true outcome as it wouldn’t have served any purpose and just caused him to suffer.
Niamhsmum,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful strong wonderful girl.
She sounds truly amazing and had so much courage and strength for someone so young.
It’s so difficult when you have to put on a brave face for them, but you would do anything to protect them because you love them so much. The toll it must have taken on yourself and your husband must have been enormous and to do that for your beautiful girl is a testament to how much she was loved . My husband is the same, he won’t talk about Ben and I understand it is too painful for him and that’s the way he is. Im not like that, I cry all the time for my boy and sometimes he just doesn’t understand.
Fjl,
Another beautiful son called Ben 
It must have been such a shock to find out about your son and I can’t comprehend the pain it must have caused in that instant as I had a build up and knew what was coming .
I take comfort in your words that this will become a different normal as I cannot cope with life at the moment.
I thought I was stronger than I am given I knew what was happening and that I could come to terms with it, but even though he has died , I still can’t beiieve it.
I look around and all I see is him in everything and it breaks my heart for all the things he is going to miss out on. I hope in time this pain will ease as I have other children who need me.
Thank you again for listening to my rambling , it really does help me and I am so grateful .
Jo xx
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I am so, so sorry.
My husband died in June this year.
The pain and shock is overwhelming.
I can’t imagine how much more incomprehensible the death of a child must be.
I am sending you all my love, care and concern.
Reach out for support when you need it. Hide away when you need that too.
A stranger off the interwebs send hugs.
Eat, sleep, drink water.
Know it’s beyond your control.
Much love xx
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Hi Martin, the loss of your son so suddenly is heartbreaking. It’s difficult for you to understand right now, but , with each passing day the shock, anger, disbelief and more will become more bearable. I hesitate to say it gets easier but keeping busy during the next few weeks will make some moments during the day just that little bit lighter. I lost my son at 41, it took a year to have final PM results which showed pneumonia plus steroids gave him a heart attack. It’s now 18 months later and am grateful to have been his mum for all those years. I live my life for him, he would have wanted me to carry on for my other son and grandchildren. Eat, sleep when you can and keep ralking about him. Much love xx
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I am struggling so much, the pain is unreal, we are laying Charlie to rest a week Friday, that’s going to be a very hard day, I will be carrying Charlie in with his two brothers and Uncle, I feel like a bit of me is missing. X
I hope you feel comfortable with the all that has been arranged - wishing you strength. X