Losing my step-brother to suicide

My step brother commit suicide the day after my 21st birthday. When I first found out I blamed my birthday celebrations; thinking I had distracted everyone from him. Till we found it appeared to have been planned for a while. He had thousands saved in his bank from all his financial support, but when his account was looked at after he was gone, all the money had been spent.

He spent all his money, he didn’t buy anymore weed and he’d locked up his house and went radio silent. So I try to tell myself it was going to happen anyways. He’s threatened to for years. So many scares, so many trips to A&E, so many late night chats talking him down.

We lived together for years with my mum and step dad till I moved out. The other half of the family (his mum, sister and brother) cut him off. He had issues. Autism, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, dyspraxia, dyslexia, you name it. But those were the main ones.

Now, I could understand him better than anyone and talk him down when he would break down because I have BPD & ADHD. I’d attempted before in the past but it was and still is a secret from my family, but it helped me understand. I learnt what I needed to hear and used it.

With all this in mind, my step-family have ostrichized me from everyone else in the funeral. They’re in the front row, they’re getting the link, they’re carrying the casket, they’re getting the support. The people who blocked him and refused to help him are pretending they were part of his life the last 8 years when they weren’t. I’m not even mentioned in the funeral notice.

This all sounds very selfish, but I’d never say anything to them. They’re blood, I’m not. But it just all feels very fake. They’re parading around our town getting support from the entire community whilst I’m treated like I barely knew him.

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Hello @Venusleo,

I’m so sorry about your step-brother - that is devastating. You don’t sound selfish at all - your relationship with your step-brother was clearly a very important one to both of you, and it not being acknowledged must be very painful.

You deserve care and support, and I’m sorry you’re not getting the support that you need from your family. I really hope you find the community to be a support to you - sadly, many of our members have lost a loved one to suicide and will understand some of what you are going through.

You may wish to take a look at the following websites and organisations offering support to people in situations like yours:

You may want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform, our Grief Coach text support service, and how to access our Online Bereavement Counselling.

Do take care - keep reaching out,

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