Hi my name is Fran and im hoping that i can find some answers to the way things are going in my life.
Ive had alot of bereavement in my life but always managed to deal with it .
I lost my wife in 2021 to cancer she was everything in this world to me my bessie,confidante, soulmate,lover and my right to my left. I know its 4 years on amd try as i might i have tried to move on but i cant . I am a shell i dont go out unless i have to i dont laugh and sing like i used to do seven days a week i never knew what being fed up well depressed i could possibly feel but now 4 years on my life has gone from Happiness to loneliness lazinesss sitting in my bungalow hoping for a magic cure to get me back to my former self . I used to be that go to guy Fran will sort it now i feel like its hard to explain i feel disgusted with myself knowing she would not want me like this but i feel like im beat and i just dont know how to move forward
Sorry for your loss, I lost my beloved husband on 23rd November 2024 to cancer, like you he was my life, my soul mate and my everything, everyday is a struggle without him,like you I don’t go out unless I have to, when I do go out i end up crying, even mentioning his name i end up crying.
After 22 years my life is empty and the house is empty and quiet without him.i struggle to go on without him. I scream why did he leave me. We were supposed to grow old together (he just turned 50 in june). Had so many plans for the future and now it’s gone.
Oh my word so young its no wonder we get so Angry and Frustrated at that horrible disease. I know exactly what you mean we used to sit people watching having a coffee and every time an old couple walked past hand in hand we would say thats me and you when were older l like yourself would do anything that was physically possible to turn back the clocks. Whats so frustrating is feeling like your never ever feel that feeling of love and Happiness ever again and your heart full of joy Although we know its what they would want.
Hope you find a way to move on,sure your husband would want you to
Hi poppet1973
Like you i feel cheated currently that my wife is not here now.
We were supposed to be forever together, and i hate it that i could not do enough to save her.
I go to work, and go shopping, but there is no fun in doing anything at the moment. The fun left my life when she died, and currently i don’t know what i am going to do to move on and have fun in the future. I have no desire to be happy currently, and hate myself for it.
Hi Jackrobthorne
I totally get where you are at but you cant blame yourself like you could have done more . Most people think on them lines but im sure you gave it everything you had in you and your wife will have known that but it still doesn’t change that emptiness inside and feeling you have no right to be happy i get that even now but where i went wrong i didnt reach out i carried on as if i could get through it but it broke me so please try and get as much help as you can get it now not when its too late dont be ashamed of asking for help its not a sign of weakness its a sign of needing help
I feel your pain our stories are similar,re time togother age cancer and future plans.Add to take over whelming guilt i let Christies steer me to a decision on letting her go ,when she wasnt ready and it feels impossible to get over
I know it sounds selfish but i never got the chance to have a a choice. We had 4 weeks from the diagnosis and it spread so quickly that he just went.
So sorry,i just hope time is truely a healer for everyone going through anything like this
We’re all going about in bumper cars getting hit left right and centre waiting for it to stop.
Take care 
So true difficult
I wish I could say something to help you through this but suffice it to say that we all grieve in our own ways in our own time and it whilst others can make suggestions only we know the whole process we are going through. I really feel for your loss and hope you can find your way through this. Just know that we are all here for you as we are for each other in this very difficult times.
Thank you for the kind words.
So unbelievably sad that we are all in this terribly painful journey. I lost my amazing husband 8 weeks ago. He was only 56 and I’m so sad that all the future we had planned has gone, I miss so much, I miss that feeling of feeling safe with him, I miss the silence of sitting together in the evenings watching rubbish on TV, not having to talk just enjoying being together, I miss how comfortable we were with each other, how we had changed over the years, how well we knew each other and we still loved each other so much, I miss the future adventures we would have gone on now the children are grown, I miss everything. I guess we all grieve so differently and there is no timeline to grief, but we all know how painful this is and can hopefully support each other. I’m scared of being alone for the rest of my life, but on the other hand can’t think about meeting anyone else.
Right now I’m taking a day at a time and hoping that this ache I feel will ease, if only for a little bit. We have an amazing family 5 wonderful children, their partners and a little Granddaughter, but sometimes even in a room full of people it’s scary how lonely you can feel isn’t it without your special person there. I’m sending love to all those that need it, be gentle on yourselves and take care xxx
Hi AlliH
That is exactly how i feel, abd i fully understand everything you said.
It is hard feeling alone in a crowded room, even if everyone in there is rooting for you.
I watched one granddaughter at a meal out yesterday, and another today on a bumpercar ride in the town, creating memories that she will not share and be a part of, where she would normally have been a huge part. Our 3 grandchildren loved her with all their hearts, and she had become a legend to all of them.
In a way i feel guilty creating new memories she can’t be part of. All i hope is that she is always there by my side to see them for herself.
I think we are all taking things hour by hour, day by day, just trying to figure out how we are supposed to move on without our departed loved ones.
My thoughts are with all of you going through this hell.
@Jrthorn I understand that all completely, my husband absolutely adored our little Granddaughter, he was a man of few words, but you could the love in his face every time we were with her. It breaks my heart that I’m here to enjoy her and he isn’t, and I feel so sad that she probably won’t really remember her wonderful Grandad, although we will always talk about him, he’s still her Grandad. My only consolation is that he did get to meet her and enjoy time with her, if only for a year or two. I miss him terribly
Hi AlliH
Yes, at least our grandkids were of an age that they will remember her. We will try to keep her memory alive in the 3 of them. She was too special to be forgotten.
She was a very uncomplicated woman who enjoyed the simple things in life. She was never driven by money or material things, just loved people, and being there for people when they needed her.
She was by far the best person i have ever met.
@Jrthorn she sounds like a wonderful person and I’m sure she’s passed on all those beautiful attributes to her children and grandchildren, we really do live on in them. My husband was wonderful he was 56 when he died (9 weeks ago)and we had been together since we were 15, it’s a bit of a cliche but he really was my soul mate and my very best friend and I loved him with all my heart, so many more years we could have had now lost.
Hi AlliH
She was wonderful. I knew her for 30 years, together for 22 and married for 20 years. She was 62, and spent her 62nd birhday on a ventilator, as she did Christmas and New Year. The ‘Festive Period’ wil never be the same again, grandkids or not. It will be full of horrible memories for me now.
She was definitely my soul mate. We coukd finish each others sentences, understand each others ramblings and laugh at all the same things.
It is hard when that once in a lifetime person is no longer with you.