My husband recently took his own life. Leading up to his death; we weren’t in a good place. I didn’t see the signs that were right in front of me. I didn’t know that he would take his own life. The excruciating pain knowing that I’m not going to hold him, hear his voice, sing loudly in the car on random road trips and slow dance in the kitchen is slowly killing me on the inside. I feel like I’ve failed him and that he left this world feeling alone and unloved, when I love him as do so many others. Some of his friends are blaming me and I’m riddled with guilt. Living my life without him, knowing that I can never make it up to him is breaking my heart, even more than it’s already broken.
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Dear @Lauradiz
Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.
Grief brings out a mixture of emotions and anger and sadness are part of the grieving process. I would think that is how your friends are feeling at the moment and it is being directed at you as you were closest to him being his wife.
There is an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide and you can find a support group in your area by typing in your postcode on the homepage of the website. They do have a forum which you can join and ask questions. There is also a National Support Line on 0300 111 5065.
For someone to talk to straightaway there is the Samaritans on 116 123 for free. They are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
I do hope the above is of help to you. Please continue to reach out and take care. You are not alone; we are all here for you.
Pepsi
Hello, I’m really sorry that this has happened, you didn’t see any signs as you wouldn’t have thought to look for them, I remember reading somewhere the only person responsible for taking there life is themselves, no one can make someone do this act, guilt tends to be the norm where grief is concerned, his family are just looking for someone to blame.
You will need support, reach out to the organisations who specialise in suicide, they will be people who will be best to help you through this.
,
Thank you. This morning has been tough. Nothing seems real, life seems pointless. X
Thank you x
Hi @Lauradiz, I’m so sorry for your loss. My partner also took his own life recently.
I feel like my world has been thrown into complete desolation.
I have been staying with a friend ever since and find it so hard to go back to our home. I don’t know how to navigate this life without him, this life that I never asked for.
I also feel as though I have failed my darling Miles and I can’t help but think that I could have saved his life.
People tell me that I shouldn’t think those things, that there’s nothing that I could have done but surely there is? If I had never let him out of my sight, he wouldn’t have done this. It’s a heavy heavy weight that I will carry for the rest of my life.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know your feelings of should I, could I, oh to well.
If I take myself out of my life as I know it, I would tell you, what the text book says, and say that you would have done everything in your power but ultimately it was Mike’s’ decision.
It’s been 2 weeks since I heard my husbands voice, laugh and held him in my arms. I know, like me you’d give anything to have that again.
People tell me that time helps, and although it doesn’t get easier, you learn to cope. So with that being said, I’m sending you my love, thoughts and strength, in the hope that you can too, can get through life 
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That was supposed to be 
emoji not a laugh, sorry.
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