For as long as I can remember (50+ years), my mother has been ‘dying’ of something. I know realise this was part of her coercion and narcissistic tool kit. Because she had convinced herself she was dying, she named me as LPA for property and finance for both she and my father. However, what actually happened was that my father had a massive stroke, surviving 15 months in both hospitals and eventually a nursing home (to our great sadness, his needs were far too complex to manage at home). The story of his NHS and nursing home journey is long and fraught with neglect, needs being ignored and safeguarding issues. I had my elbows out EVERY day, advocating for him, protecting him and fighting for him. However, one of the main people I had to protect him from was my mother. I eventually called the police, for guidance and the young officer advised me to fit a recording device near to my dad (who was paralysed and unable to communicate verbally, following a massive stroke). I discovered that my mother was bullying my father - we knew she was force feeding him (he could feed himself - one of the very few things he could do). I reported what I’d heard back to the police, who thankfully raised a safeguarding concern and she was never with him alone, for the last 6 weeks of his life. She was vile to me and eventually, my sister, then all her grandchildren. Only maintaining contact with our brother (golden child) and her own family. She had smeared my name to all and sundry and I now have very little contact with both her and my father’s side of the family - all of whom, I was previously close to. Even as my dad laid dying, she was vile to him in front of his children and grandchildren. I do not mourn the loss of my mother or brother or any extended family. However, I’m boiling with rage that she is being treated a the poor old lady, when in fact, she has been horrendous. And both families know what she’s like but prefer to cast those to loved and protected dad away , rather than face up to what she did. And they know I have proof.
Sorry. This is a lot but believe me, it’s an overview. The actual details are horrific.
It’s my belief that my mother was jealous of the devoted attention dad received on a daily basis from his loving daughters and grandchildren.
How can I get through this anger?
..and my husband passed in March..we no longer keep in contact with my sister in law, my kids and I. I hope that you are able to find some much needed peace in your life. Don’t let this destroy you. Take care of yourself and may God bless you and your family.
