I lost my partner 3 months ago. He lost a 3 month battle with cancer. We didn’t get time to process it as he went down hill very quickly. I have lost half of me I am lost. I go to work see my kids be a robot and act how people want me to. I cry every night and talk to him I don’t know how to carry on like this. Don’t want to carry on like this the pain is so hard. How do I continue when he not here.
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My heart goes out to you I feel exactly the same after losing my younger brother so suddenly I can’t make sense of it aswell doesn’t seem real.
You have to take each day as it comes but you will get through keep holding on.
Focus on his in a better place no more pain and suffering and he is always with you around you and will not like seeing you this way.
My heart goes out to you as I know how you feel I lost my wife just recently it’s still so raw but I know I’ve got to carry on for my two girls I just have focus on them lucky they have partners to care for them. The part I find is the lonely nights by myself as you have probably found out
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Hi Eric
Even days feel lonely we used to talk every day now I haven’t heard his voice for 8 months I have to sleep with tv on.
It doesn’t get easier u learn 2 live with the pain.
Like u said u carry on for others like u with your daughters.
I have 2 younger brothers and my mum who is really struggling
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Thanks for your reply. I can live with the pain it’s the loneliness I find so hard when l lock the doors at night I’ve got nothing left just loneliness
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Hi Eric,
I know that feeling of lonliness so well. It’s just so devastating. When you had your partner you could be in another room from them or they could be out and you could be on your own but you knew they would be coming home. I don’t know if I am making sense. I know what I’m trying to say but don’t know if it’s coming out right. Take care.X
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Hi Eric
I get u but you will need to find something to replace the loneliness either online course or a project even a pet helps you will find a way you can do things like evening get together with family and friends or go out evenings even to supermarkets or cinema or a drive
Yes loobylou,
You are making sense.
Loneliness & being alone are two different things.
We weren’t together 24/7 , so I cope during the day.
But if hubby was out at night, I’d leave the downstairs light on – now when I’ve put lights off, checked (again) I’ve locked the doors then I know he’s not coming home.
Take care.
G.x
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You take care to G.X
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Thanks to you all for your comments I have my 2 dogs but unfortunately they cannot talk to me at night when I most need to hear her voice we talked every night with a little drink in hand and sorted the world out that’s what I miss
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I find night time the worst too, I miss our chats and his funny jokes, making plans for the next day or the weekend and never thought in a million years it would be swiped away in an instant, such unbearable sorrow that our life together has ended, thoughts of everyone on our sad journey xx
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I know how you feel I lost my partner 3 months ago. I was there holding his hand when they switched his life support off along with my 2 grown up children (biologically they weren’t his children, but to them from being younger he was the dad their dad coukd not be)… He had been put into a medical induced coma so the last words we said to each other before that was I love you, and I hope he knew I was there with him until the end. I can mask my feelings so well, I wonder if people think I’m cold hearted. But even when someone says his name I have to break eye contact cos I need to stop the tears I know are there. The worst time of the day js the last walk with the dog. I come in and close the door and lock it. It hits me every night how empty the house feels. I’ve taken up some new hobbies but some nights I just can’t do it. Often songs I picked for his funeral comes on the radio and I just sit there with tears running down my face. When my mum died over 20 years ago it hurt so bad, but then I had my eldest who was in primary school, then I fell pregnant with my youngest and that whole year ended up with my marriage breaking down (my choice) so I had no time to be this far down a tunnel with no light. My dad died in Jan and I cried at his funeral, but not for him, because he was the last link to my mum. My dad was an awful dad but a great grandfather. But I was honestly fine about him dying. He was well into his 80s. My partner was in his early 50s and I can’t see a way to stop the pain.
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I feel the pain for you everything you said is exactly how I feel missing the conversation and the planning for the next day at times she could be a little grumpy I didn’t mind
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Bless you, my heart aches for you.How do we go on? I lost my lovely gentle husband 7 weeks ago. Again cancer. I cannot understand how it happened, he was here, then poorly, then gone. No warning. We sat with him as he died. I cannot remove that image. I don’t want to be here without him! The pain is SO bad. It is crippling. People say take one day at a time. Not so easy. Family go back to their everyday lives, as they have to. The lonliness is dire. Mornings, days, nights alone. I look to the future, and it just looks dire without him.
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I’m the same. Every time I try to remember him it is the way he looked when he died. I have his photo on my lock screen on my phone so I just need to look at that instead. I waited outside while they removed the life support tube. When I was in waiting on my daughters to come up I begged him to fight. But his eyes were closed. When I went in after he came off life support his eyes were open. And it looked like he had been in shock at the removal of the tube. But his eyes looked dead like he wasn’t there anymore. I knew he had no fight left. So I told him to go, his mum would be waiting for him. While inside I was screaming please fight Don’t go I need you. But 20 minutes later he was dead. Legally his dad is his next of kin, so as he died without a will legally my home belongs to his dad now. He doesn’t want the house so instead of transferring to him and him signing it over to me, I need a valuation done and I send it to his dad and his lawyer and they do it through a deed of variation which means it transfers from my partners name to mine. But even that is stressful. It is like walking against a strong current in the see it wants to drag you under while you fight to stay on your feet. My family say I feel your pain, but you know they don’t know what it is like, they haven’t been there and you want to say you don’t know what it is like, it’s awful I’ve not only lost the man I love but all our plans for the future. When he retired in 12 years we were selling the house and moving to the Highlands in Scotland we were planning on buying a caravan and go and visit every island that we still hadn’t been to yet. Now it has all gone. Snatched away from us both. I feel so angry at times, I have no one to be angry about, I feel guilty for thinking he gave up on me. But he didn’t I know he was so tried from the fight. But if the doctor had phoned and put he was an emergency and not urgent, and called at 1.30pm but she forgot and called at 4.55pm when I called and asked how long the ambulance was going to take. If he had been admitted straight away he would have stood a better chance of surviving. I’ve asked for his medical notes from the GP, the ambulance service and the first hospital he was admitted too. The doctor who forgot to call the ambulance left the practice 4 days after he died. So I can’t even tell her what she did with her couldn’t give toss attitude. I lost everything and she didn’t .
Sorry for ranting
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Rant all you want!!! I get such awful crying bouts, they paralyze me. It takes so long to recover from them, I feel exhausted. I took me until noon today to get washed and dressed. I sleep in the spare room, I just cannot sleep in ours. It was NOT supposed to be like this! I can’t put Dave’s photo on my phone, it breaks me. Thank goodness you will not lose your home. No-one can feel the pain, only us, it is so intense it hurts. I am trying to keep my mind occupied, but it is hard. We did everything together, went to Church together, were Elders together, ran our food bank together - trying to help there now makes me miss him even more. I see him doing all the things he did, and now some-one else does them. I know that has to happen, but it is upsetting. I need to sell his car, I don’t know how I will be when that goes off the drive. We have not dealt with his ashes yet, either, another trauma to face. So any organizations want his death certificate; I look at it and think this CANNOT be real. Like you, I told him it was alright to let go, to be with his Mum, Dad and baby sister, but inside I was saying NO NO NO. I still say that now.
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I will not rant I feel the same I’m angry with her for leaving me .she was my life she struggled to breath I did everything for her but that was no bother but now she has left me with just the pain and loneliness
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Oh bless you. People say time heals, I pray it will because the reality is so awful. As the numbness starts to wear off, the pain takes over. I do hope that you will start to heal. x
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It’s such a tough battle. My heart goes out to you. Having lost my husband this year to cancer having been together for 54years, married for over 46years, the idea of starting again, on my own is bewildering, painful and sometimes overwhelming. I can only say take time for yourself there’s a lot to process. Take time out, putting on a brave face is exhausting. It’s not easy talking to family, they’re grieving too, that’s why communities like this are important, somewhere safe to share. Asking for help doesn’t always come easy, but sometimes we need help. Talking about the person we have lost can help. My family shared stories and moments. I hope you will feel gradually less lost.
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Thanks sue
At the moment I’m still angry she could have taken me with her not left me with pain of loneliness
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