I lost my older sister (47) recently. We have never been really close, but always known we were there. Luckily, we reconnected earlier this year, and she was very ill, long time drug abuser. Took over in the end, and my nephew came home from work and found her, and called me. My nephew, 23, is currently living with us(we’ve always been close). Apart from when I rang the ambulance, I haven’t shown any emotion. It bothers me that I can be so calm about it. I’ve never lost anyone close. I can’t stop thinking about "what ifs ". Biggest thing on my mind, always, is how alone she must have felt. I found notes saying she felt like she was waiting to die. It was her situation that has made me realise that users aren’t horrible people, but victims to drugs. Don’t know what else to say, but writing this is making me feel better, so yeah, thanks. 
Hi my heart goes out to you and your nephew for the loss of your sister and his mum.But yes “what ifs” is something we all go through .Losing somebody that was an addict is so very hard too because you do feel their life shouldnt have gone that way.Did we do enough to help?Why couldnt they sort their lives other people do?But its an illness like any other sadly some recover some dont.My only child my beautiful son was the kindest most caring person but he too was an addict.He passed with COPD and other health issues in March this year but ultimately if he didnt drink or take drugs he would still be with us.His late dad and I did all we could and god love him he himself tried too…My heart is broken without him
“I dont want to live like this mum I hate it” So your sister would feel the same.She was your sister you loved her and tears will come eventually but trying to help somebody with addictions is the hardest thing in the world it really .Just because tears havent come doesnt mean you dont feel the enormous loss of your sister and her life that should have been.
All my love and hugs to you .Marg xxx