Losing the two people that raised me like my parents

Hi all, I’m not really sure where to start with this. When I was 6 months old my nanna and grandad were granted custody of me and they have raised me as their own since then ( they were my parents in my eyes and theirs) however 5 years ago my nanna suffered a heart attack at home it was so sudden, we tried cpr and everything that the 999 operator was telling us but nothing was working. I was 20 years old. Now with my grandad being the only real parent I have left it was a struggle, my auntie was living with us at the time with her children so she stayed with me and my grandad moved out, I don’t think he could live in the house where there was so many memories. I would meet my grandad 3 times a week we would do our food shop together, I would take him out for a coffee with my little cousins and we would go out to eat. He was There for me for anything even though we didn’t live together anymore we still had that father- daughter bond he was the person that could make me laugh the most. Fast forward to November this year. I had been trying to call my grandad for a while and it seemed like he was ignoring my calls, when I finally got through to him he told me that he was in the hospital as he had an infection in his foot, I told him I was coming down to see him but he made me promise that I wouldn’t he didn’t want me to see him not well because of everything that happened with my nanna, he got out of hospital and he said he was doing okay, I wanted to go and see him at his house he told me he wanted to see me when he felt 100% ( my grandad is very stubborn and is set in his ways I know that if I would have disrespected his wishes it would cause more harm then good) I called him everyday morning and night when he got out of hospital to see how he was doing, one morning he was very dismissive and I could tell he wanted to get off the phone so I told him I would let him eat his breakfast and call him later, I tried to call but it went to answer phone. The next few days I heard nothing from him then I got a call from a number I didn’t recognise, they informed me that my grandad had died of a heart attack in the hospital. I had now lost both of my parents and I never got to say goodbye to any of them… what’s also upsetting is that when I told my friends what had happened they were so nonchalant about it like it wasn’t one of tue biggest losses of my life. They messaged me once after he passed and since I have heard nothing from them, I see them on Instagram going out for dinner together and not inviting me a simple message of “ it’s okay if you don’t feel up to it but we’re going out if you would like to come with us” but they literally don’t contact me at all! I’m so angry at them and I know that grief makes people feel uncomfortable but… it’s Christmas time I thought they would have checked in with me at least during this time but I haven’t spoken to them in over a month they do t ask how I am or anything. Is this me being over sensitive or do I have bad friends?

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you should get new friends.

you went through a terrible time. ask yourself this: if your friends lost their grandparents and they were very close, would you have been so nonchalant? if you would be kind and considerate, you are in the wrong crowd.

take your time to grieve. it takes a lot of time. in the meanwhile, come to this board as everyone here understands … when I lost my mom, I got professional counseling and I went to proper support groups.

you know why? because I was in such a tender state, I needed people who KNEW HOW TO RESPOND TO ME. who KNEW how delicate a time this was.

this is a turning point and learning lesson in your life. from now on, only be with people who care and are authentic.

:heartpulse: :heartpulse: :heartpulse:

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Hi @Alisha
I am very sorry about the loss of your Nanna and Grandad.
My dad passed away a few months ago too.

I dont think you are being overly sensitive. i have felt dissapointed by not hearing from some friends since the first week after my dad passed or hearing from them but them not raising the topic.

I think many people (especially those who havent experienced this type of grief) dont know what to say or are afraid to upset by bringing it up or by not bringing it up. I dont think my friends are bad friends they just mostly have no real reference for what is going on and having said ‘please let us know if you need anything’ probably assume id reach out if i did…
I think back now and realise i was probably the same way in the past. Now ive been experiencing this grief i would try to support or reach out to people differently to how i did before.

I dont think its right that your friends were nonchalent about your loss.
There are lots of people who understand on this forum though and options out there for arranging talking to someone or speaking with others going through bereavement.

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Thank you for your reply it was very helpful and raised some good points.
I am very sorry for your loss too x

Thank you for your reply and I’m very sorry for your loss too x

I think it being validated that I’m not being over sensitive has put things into perspective for me, I’ve had people message me that I would not consider a close friends and they’ve been more supportive that the people I call my best friends.

I think hard times like this make you reevaluate the people you have around you for sure. X

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it often happens the ones we thought would be there were not.
the people we didn’t imagine would be so attentive, were there.

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