Losing your husband

I lost my husband 6 weeks ago to secondary liver cancer after a roller-coaster of 16 months, now feel so lost and empty as he was only 59 and was looking forward to spending our retirement together with lots of things to look forward to now all gone! I work full-time and really struggling to get motivation to return but needs must, not sure whether it will take my mind off things or whether I shall just go to pieces! I am finding it so hard to get up and get on with things, thankfully have a 27 year old daughter still at home who helps me to get up and be around but soon as the house is empty I feel so down and don’t have the need to do anything, I have a really good friend who pops in most days for an hour to have a chat but I try to be happy so she doesn’t worry about me and the other half of me wants to tell her how I really feel. I can only hope that this gets easier?

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So sorry to hear that you have lost your husband Lisa.
It is beyond words at the beginning but time will soften the jaggedness and we do all manage, somehow,to carry on. Take things at your own pace and get through each day. It is good that you and your daughter are together and able to support each other and everyone on here will do their best to help too so do keep reading and posting.
Thinking of you…Take carex

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So sorry for loss Lisa, My husband passed away on 4 June, he had metastatic. Pancreatic andiver cancer. He managed to stay with us for just under 3 years. Such a fighter but because of covid 19 they stopped the new trials and within 2 weeks he went downhill. He was only 64 and never got to enjoy his retirement either, it is so difficult and I know I agree, it’s so hard to motivate myself. Thankfully my 28 year old daughter lives at home and she is a great comfort to me. But I find that I can go for a couple of days with no tears and then like this weekend I have been crying on and off. I think if I was able to work I would do it because it would distract my mind. I think the company of your colleagues will probably be good for you. But if course you have to make that decision when you feel its the right time. Take care, my thoughts are with you. Margarita

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Thanks so much for your replies, so sorry to hear about your losses, its so comforting knowing that you are not the only one going through such a hard time, take care.

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Hi Lisa, so very sorry for your loss. I too am new to this having lost my hubby 11 weeks ago. I too put on a brave front for others but as soon as on my own my smile just goes. As for work, only you know when you will be ready. I gave my job up to care full time for my husband and although only gone 11 weeks feel I need to be back to give myself something to focus on. I do not feel ready but worry I never will be and as time goes on I reckon it will be harder to find the confidence to apply for other jobs so am taking the bull by the horns and going for it. You are not alone and even though I am only a newbie on this site I feel already in a community of others who just ‘know’ what I am going through so I do hope you will feel the same soon.
Xx

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Hi Lisa
Welcome and so sorry for your loss
I only joined this site last week ,and it has already helped me knowing that I’m not alone ,I hope that it helps you through this difficult time of your life I’m 7 months on from losing my husband at 57 Within a few weeks of knowing he had cancer
All I can say is take each day as it comes try and look after yourself and don’t be afraid to cry Take care of yourself and your daughter sending big hugs xx

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The 2nd anniversary of my husbands death was 3/8, the few days before I was very upset wondering how I would cope, but on the day itself I was just very sad. In the beginning I was a lost soul, devastated & wondered how I would get through the rest of my life without him, my close family could not cope with my grief so I got some counselling at the local hospice, which for me was very helpful, I was able to talk freely & openly about my feelings - she listened & assured me that everything I felt was normal part of grieving & I was not going mad. It is definately a rollercoaster of emotions even now 2 years later I still wake up and think it was a bad dream, grief changes a person, taking you down a road that nobody wants to go & sadly a journey you go alone. Life is certainly different now my family are my world now .

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I am sending you a huge hug. I know how tough it is. I lost my husband 17 months ago Pete was 50. It is a different world without him. Some days are easier than others (I don’t know why). Cry when you need to cry (I’m surprised I have any tears left) and rest when you need to rest. I keep a journal and reflect a lot on the wonderful life we did have before Pete was taken so suddenly. Be kind to yourself and do everything at your pace x

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thankyou for taking time to comment Heather, it’s good to hear from someone in the same situation, and who understands.

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I’m here if you ever want to chat xx

To heather and petal
Have just read your posts , you are both such tough ladies and it has helped me to read how You still love and miss your husbands so much ,but you have stayed strong and are still battling on I’m only 7 months and if I didn’t have my kids feel like most people what’s the point anymore so I wanted to send you both a hug xx

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Sending you a hug too. Life can be incredibly tough. My husband and I did not have children due to his illness. It can be incredibly lonely but I feel so lucky to have had 30 years with my lovely hubby. Some people don’t get that in a lifetime! X

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I am glad you found it some help to read our story - you can feel alone in this sad situation so it helps to know you are not. Yes 2 years on and he is still with me every day, never leaves my thoughts, Sending hug to you too x

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Its so great to hear all your comments and we are all coping with this together as you always feel so lonely and that the journey is long and not where you want to be. Sending hugs to you all.

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