Losing your partner

Now been nearly 4 weeks since I lost my dear wife Carol on Boxing Day and its not getting any easier I go to bed at night in tears and try to sleep but toss and turn all night the days seem to be getting longer and feel what’s the point of carrying on with life anymore I am totally at a loss of what comes next. Hopefully when I go to bed I will not wake up as cannot cope for much longer Why does god always take the good ones it’s not fair when there are so many bad people around I understand what all you people on here are going through the same emotions as me enough is enough

I know it does not make it any easier but I and the majority of people on every thread on this forum are asking the same questions and thinking the same thoughts…Stay strong I’m sure it’s one of the things your wife loved you for don’t let her down. xx

Dear Bovabelly; I can identify completely with your agony at losing your wife - I lost my husband over 4 years ago and the pain continues to plague me. We had been married 42 years, which is a long time I know, but I never envisaged being a widow at 64!
People will tell you that “time heals”, but I don’t believe I will ever truly adjust to being without him. Every morning I would wake up asking "why am I still here? "
I cope by being busy, as busy as I possibly can. I go to bed late and get up about 7.
When we were together I had the rather naive and childish idea that we would die at the same time - how I wish that were true! Annette P

Yes Annette it’s a heartbreaking situation in our lives we had been married 46 yrs and as yourself did not expect to be a widower at 66! My days are long I try to busy myself but come nighttime the house is so empty now and I go to bed at night not sleeping to good and like yourself ask why I am still here I thought we would grow old together and have at least another 15 yrs or more together and planned our holiday for 2018 but now my life is empty and feel what is the point of going on and what for without my Carol at my side bovabelly

Dear Bovabelly;
I can remember desperately needing someone to off load on to for the first year or so. So I joined a couple of Christian dating websites, just so that I could talk to someone else who was widowed like myself. I spent a lot of my time writing emails!
Are you still working? I am a registered childminder, and had lots of children coming to the house - 4 of whom were 3 and under; so I just had to keep moving. It was a good thing too, as the temptation was always to “switch off” and do nothing.
We also had a holiday planned - which turned out to be 2 weeks after his death! It was at a Christian conference centre, so I knew I would have lots of company there if I went on my own. So I did go - the day after the funeral, and I am glad that I did!
What were the circumstances of your wife’s death? Was it sudden or expected? Did she die in hospital or at home or in a hospice?
My husband had lymphoma, we knew he was dying (although the doctors did not seem to realise it) and I nursed him at home. I trained as a registered nurse a long time ago. Sadly I was not with him when he died, he was in our bedroom and I slept that night in the spare room. It still causes me much distress, even now, when I think about the fact I was not there when he died. We were very much in love, as it sounds as though you two were as well. Annette P

Hello Annette yes my darling wife Carol went to the shop on 24 th December 2017 to get some sherry for the trifle the shop is only a 10 minute walk away I said see you later she said ok after about 30 minutes I looked out of our landing window and could see an ambulance and police cars and thought somebody had been knocked over I thought Carol would tell me when she came back then the door bell rang and a policeman was standing there with my wife’s driving license in his hand that’s when my world fell apart she had had a massive cardiac arrest Carol was rushed to hospital under police escort but never regained consciousness and went to ITU I never left her side for 2 days but was told she had gone the hardest part was allowing them to turn off the life support so that’s when my world fell apart We had booked our holiday touring around Germany and Italy for 15 nights in June and both looking forward to it but now everything in my life is pointless my two daughters have been amazing for me but they are also heartbroken at losing their Mum I now feel what is the point of carrying on I go to the church every other day as the church is a lovely one same church we got married in 1972 and in a lovely small village with a peaceful setting but I don’t think I have the strength to carry on without the love of my life anymore I go to bed and just wish I would not wake up my heart is broken and I just want to be with Carol wherever she is everybody says one day at a time but in my own mind I think I will die of a broken heart and the soone the better God Bless you Bovabelly ( George )

Dear George;
How absolutely dreadful! When I read your reply, I could not help myself, I just burst into tears. I cannot imagine anything worse than that - except perhaps murder or suicide. What a terrible shock you must have had.
The nearest I got to your experience was in 2006 when a policeman knocked on our door to tell us that our adopted son had died. But he had a pre-existing condition which put him at risk, and he had been having episodes of sickness previous to his death.
But to have had no warning whatsoever, and over Christmas as well…
My husband died in the summer, but never-the-less Christmas is always a trial these days. I just get through it as best as I can, and am relieved when it is over for another year.
I have 2 remaining children, a son and a daughter. They are both married with children. Even so, they were both badly affected when their father died. I expected that with our son because he and his dad were very close, ever since his sister was expected and after she was born and my husband took over his care for a while. I did not expect my daughter to be badly affected but in fact she was.
Death is so terribly cruel! Annette

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