Losing your soulmate

I lost my husband at the beginning of January and I still don’t actually know how I feel apart from very sad.

Hi. Zoe. I’m so sorry for your loss. You will feel sad and maybe more emotions will appear. Let them come. Grief is real pain. I didn’t realise how painful it can be until I lost my wife. It’s very early days yet for you. You can only take it a day at a time. Feelings and emotions will be all mixed up. It will take time for them to level off.
Have you friends or a family to give some support? Or perhaps you are like many of us, rather be left alone. Grief takes everyone differently and there is no right or wrong or time limit. It’s how YOU feel not what others think you should do.
Welcome to the site and please stick with us, your experience can help so many who are new to this site. You will find lovely people here. Take care. John.

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Thank you Jonathan, this is a very strange time and I don’t know how to deal with it!! I do have great support from family and friends but yes I just want to be on my own to deal with this and I know it’s selfish because all they want to do is help but my grief feels so personal as in I don’t think they really understand how I feel but I also don’t want them to see my feelings either if that makes sense ???

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Hello Zoe - Grief is deeply personal and unless experienced, it isn’t truly understood. I spend much of my time alone dealing with my grief and trying to heal. To me this site offers the opportunity to talk about my feelings to people that do understand, and don’t judge or analyze me. I think in front of family & friends we want to put up a good front. I know I didn’t want to “burden” others with my feelings of pain, or bring back painful memories to those that have lost a loved one. I also sensed that some people really didn’t want, or know how,to deal with me. This site is full of many caring, compassionate people that are going through this painful time. They are willing to listen and give support to those that need it.

I lost my husband of 40 years the end of June. I am very slowly getting used to some aspects of living without him, but it is very hard and very sad. The sadness colours everything in my life now . Some days it overwhelms me, and others it quietly remains in the background. I have more “good” days now. I am able to smile & laugh & for short bursts, I manage to feel “normal”. I’m trying not to let the sadness prevail. I have to force myself to do things that take my mind away from it - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t - I just tend to “go with the flow”.
Be patient and gentle with yourself, and don’t forget to breathe.
You have been deeply wounded and the healing process is slow. It’s a hard journey. As I was told ,grief is very much up and down, but that will level out. I feel that is happening for me. I was also told, although it was so hard to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that now, and my goal is to get there. We will be changed forever, and nothing will ever be the same again, but we are alive & life is a gift…

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Thank you for your beautiful words, I am ok to a point and have had to go back to work which gives me some sense of normality as he was only 55 and I have just turned 51. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I looked after him until the end at home which has its own benefits as in that is what he wanted but oh boy that was heartbreaking for all of my beautiful family and the last week was awful. Sadly Sue Ryder didn’t give us the end of life support we needed and I am quite angry about it :cry:

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hi Zoe64
just wanted say very sorry for the loss of your husband.and can see you’ve already had very helpful supportive responses from Jonathan and Heather-Diane.sadly there are no hard or fast rules for grief ,especially when the centre of our world falls apart.
heres hoping you find ways to cope and you get support from your family and friends.
there are many of us on this wonderful site who have a good idea of how you are feeling
just post any time and say what ever makes you feel a tad better as none of us will ever judge you.
regards
ian

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I agree. I lost my husband of 40 years last March.
He died in my arms after a simple procedure went wrong.
I lost my best friend and soul mate.
I am now just beginning to accept that I will never be the same as I was when my husband was alive. This makes it a little easier to deal with. The best advice is definitely go with the flow don’t fight your emotions if you smile if you cry it is allowed.
Unless som has been through this hell they do not understand. It does get better.

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