I lost my great nan less than 2 years ago due to a long term illness and I never got to grieve her loss as I was looking after my late great granda on a different side of my family. He had dementia and I had to quit working to look after him 24/7 and we eventually put him in a care home. He sadly passed in January this year. I struggled to see him in the care home as I could see how quickly he was dying , I never got to say goodbye to him or tell him that I cared a lot and thank you. I never got to tell my Nanna that either because I was too busy looking after a different family member. Then now my granda who is only 64 it is his 3rd time having cancer and he is dying he can’t have any treatment as it will not help so he is on pain relief. He has been in and out of hospital for months now and I found out today that he is getting put in a hospice and I am worrying that I will not be able to bring myself to see him due to the way my great granda died. I don’t want to see him like that but at the same time I don’t want to not see him. I have lost a lot of people in a short space of time and now I am losing another one and I just don’t know how to carry on and try and be “fine”, I am just wanting to get it off my chest and hopefully it will help.
So sorry to read about your losses and how you’re feeling which is very understandable. My dear husband of 42 years passed away in April in a hospice and I have to say if a death has to happen he could not have had been in a better place and hopefully you will feel able to visit and share some good times that you have left with your granda. We’re all here to help you in dark times - I’ve been there today - I felt so lonely but we have to try to remember they are still close to us. You still have precious time! Use it well sending hugs 
xx