Loss gets easier with time is a lie

Whoever said loss gets easier with time is a liar.
I lost my big brother suddenly to suicide on June 6th 2022, age 27. I know it’s such a cliche but he was the life and soul of the party and the comedian of the family. I just don’t understand how or why this had to happen.
I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I’m really struggling the thought of brining his new nephew to the family and he will never be able to meet him. My mental state is at its worst and I know it’s going to get worse yet. I find myself constantly searching his name on social media, like I’m looking for something. Or I find myself looking through messages the day he took his life, like I’m trying to relive that day. It’s so draining. I keep going round and round in my head all day everyday trying to find something but I’m not sure what? Answers? I don’t know.
He has missed out on so much and I can’t help but feel guilty when I have an ok day. Finding it hard to accept that this is going to be for the rest of life now. A broken heart that will never be fixed.


Dear @shinellef44

I apologise for the delay in replying to you. Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. Sadly, when someone so young does take their life, it leaves many unanswered questions. Life in time does become easier and you learn to accept your loved one is not coming back.

There is an organisation called SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide). If you go on to the website you can see if there is a local support group in your area by typing in your postcode. There is also a National Support Line on 0300 111 5065 (Monday & Tuesday 9.00am - 5.00pm) you can ring for support and advice.

Sue Ryder have a Grief Guide which will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief and tools to discover new ways of coping.

For someone to talk to straight away there is the Samaritans on 116 123 for free. It is a confidential service and they are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

If you have not done so already, I would book an appointment with your doctor and let them know how you are feeling and see what support they can give you.

You need to be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time, grief is a rollercoaster of emotions with good days and bad days. You are still very much in the early stages of grief. Grief is a journey to be taken at your pace, help is out there, and you are not alone.

You too can connect with members here by typing the topic in the search bar. Please continue to reach out, if you need further information, you can email online.community@suerydercare.org.

Please take care of yourself and I wish you well with the rest of your pregnancy.


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