Loss of a friend

I lost my friend and neighbour 5 months ago, she died in a short time from diagnosis of lung cancer. She was 85 years old but young in her outlook and for 13 years we shared a great friendship, she was like a second mother to me . Miss her so much and don’t feel I can express my grief as freely because people tend to take the line she died at a good age and lived a good life, which I know is true but doesn’t lessen my grief

Hi Chris
I know exactly how you feel as my dad died aged 81, but he was a ‘healthy’ independent man when people ask how old he was I feel I have to justify being so devastated and not just saying he had a long happy life and so I’m grateful. You have every right to feel the way you do as you lost someone who meant so much to you, it’s so good being able to talk on this site as there’s others who understand the grief, and don’t judge it by how old or what type of death the person had etc it’s not a competition, and it’s difficult for people who haven’t experienced it to understand. I find talking to my dad helps me and writing things down I want to tell him about my day, with questions and answers I’m sure he’d give and thinking if the look on his face at times can bring me tears snd a smile. Take good care of yourself and grieve the way that’s right for you, not what others tell you that you should or shouldn’t do there’s no rulebook x

A man suggested that everyone in the village who had not been touched in some way by death to leave their door open. All the doors remained shut. Birth is celebrated but death is not, yet it’s all part of life. Words, in these circumstances, sound so hollow.
I honestly think that age has so little to do with bereavement. Being together for one year or fifty makes little difference to love and the loss we feel.
Chris is so right. Talking to our loved ones and even keeping a journal can help so much. And why not! They are listening.
Take care. Bless you.

My friend died recently, he was 50, I miss him a lot, more than I can say to anyone…
I’d known him half my life.
Its strange that some people don’t seem to think losing a friend is as mentally damaging as losing a partner. I don’t know why this is?

Hi. Toby.
Grief has no divisions. Grief is grief whosoever it is about. Husband, partner, wife, son, daughter, friend or whatever. We can be as close to a friend as to a close relative.
I think the answer may be that we all have friends who may be close, but many of us, probably, can’t envisage a friend being mourned as is a close loved one. But why not? So many make lifelong friends they love. To see them pass can be as painful as any other form of grief.
I see old men who fought in WW2 crying even now over lost comrades. They have lived with the loss over many years, but still feel the pain when they look back.
I can understand how you feel. This site is for those suffering bereavement, and you are. We can all share each other’s pain and help as best we can.
Best wishes.

Hi Chris73, I agree that there seems to be a of “at least” comments when it comes to grief. “At least: he/she had a long life, did not suffer, went quickly, died at home, had you there.” And on & on. I ask how any of this matters when the end result is that we lost someone we loved, and our lives will never be the same? I lost my younger Sister, and had a hurtful comparison made by someone in my grief support group, “losing a sibling is painful, but it is nothing like losing a partner/spouse.” or when I lost my Mum in 2012, I heard “well parents are expected to go first.” I am glad you came here, because you will not have to justify your feelings with us. There are no “at least,” here. All loss is validated. I am sorry for the death of your friend. You had a long and meaningful relationship and your grief deserves to be acknowledged. Take care, Sister2

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