It’s 2 months since I lost my wife suddenly and I am still devastated when I think I am coping it seems that I pay for that the next day and I regress, how do I get through Xmas? We don’t have children and no friends and why are weekends even worse
1 Like
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Two months is no time at all after something so sudden and life changing, and it’s completely understandable that you still feel devastated. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line, some days you feel like you’re coping, and then the next day you feel knocked back again. I go through the same. It’s not weakness it’s just the reality of losing someone we loved so deeply.
Christmas is a painfully hard time when the person who made life feel full is no longer here. I wish there was an easy way to get through it, but all you can really do is take it one small moment at a time. You don’t have to pretend you’re alright, you don’t have to “be festive,” and you don’t have to make big plans. Do whatever feels the least painful for you whether that’s keeping the day quiet, watching something gentle on TV, going for a walk, or simply allowing yourself to remember her.
Weekends are worse for me, too. There’s more silence, more time to think, and fewer distractions. It’s normal to feel the weight of everything more heavily than, especially when you’ve spent many years sharing your weekends with someone who meant everything to you.
Please know that you’re not alone in this. I really do understand that feeling of emptiness, the sense that the world has just shifted and nothing fits anymore. Losing a partner takes away the person who shared the little routines, the jokes, the comfort it shakes your whole foundation.
Be gentle with yourself. You’re still in the very early days.
1 Like
Hi both @justyna and @Pete72 . It’s extremely early for you both, but Justyna seems to have it just right. The first Xmas and anniversaries are just tough, probably one of the toughest challenges we have had, just do what can make you comfortable in any way, get through it, and it will get easier. This is my fourth Xmas, and each year its gets easier, and now (doing it my own way) I can look forward to doing what I do with my happy memories with her. For the moment, be gentle with yourselves, you are not alone, weve all been there.
1 Like
Hi, I lost my husband 10 days ago. He was only diagnosed with cancer 5 weeks ago. It was rare & agressive. He was my soul mate. I miss the small things like text messages, a little kiss of my forehead. It’s his funeral on Wednesday & I’m dreading it. He was very well liked, around 100 people are expected.
3 Likes
Dear Sam,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I really do understand the feeling of those days before the funeral it’s like you’re living in a different world, completely detached from reality. My partner’s funeral was in our home country, and I had to arrange everything on my own, from transporting his body to choosing the clothes. It was extremely stressful and so surreal. I felt like I was floating outside myself.
I was so close to not going at all. I honestly believed he wouldn’t be upset with me if I stayed here. But something in my gut told me that I needed to get on that plane and say my final goodbye. I went and although it was painful beyond words, I don’t regret it. I cried the whole time in the church, to the point I could barely breathe. All I wanted was to come back home, because that’s where I felt his presence, like he was waiting for me there. It didn’t feel like he was in that casket.
But seeing his name on the casket in front of the church… that moment nearly broke me. I felt like screaming, my chest was about to explode. Even now, just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I honestly don’t know how I survived those months, but somehow I did and you will too, even if right now it feels impossible.
I’m not a very religious person, but deep down I truly believe I will see him again one day, and that gives me comfort. I hope you can find something even something small that brings you a little peace too.
Sending lots of love to you.
1 Like
Thank you. You’ve described exactly how I feel at the moment. Like I’m just plodding through each day almost like a robot. I also feel lost unsure about what to do, what to feel etc
1 Like
I’m sorry for you loss x
1 Like
thats a brilliant letter thank you so much, also my partner Oksana is Ukranian and her mother has the same name as you which makes it even nicer, love and best wishes
2 Likes