Loss of a soul mate

On the 23rd of November, my world broke apart. My beloved Rob died. It was unexpected and cruel, he suffered from alcohol addiction. He struggled with his sobriety, managing 4 weeks of being ok, followed by a week of extreme drinking. He would do this at his work unit. He was found, by his AA sponsor. He was the love of my life, and to be honest I have no idea how I am going to live without him. He was only 50. I feel sick every morning, it just doesn’t seem real. I have so many regrets, I tried to help him. He is out of the pain and suffering now, but I am in a nightmare I can’t stop. I feel very alone, even though my friends and his family are trying to support me. Any advice appreciated on how to go on.

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Hello @VickyD ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling like your whole world has been broken apart and you are feeling so lonely. I’m so sorry to hear about partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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I am so sorry I have no advice, but I wanted to you to know I understand a little of what you are going through. I lost my soulmate of 11 years to suicide 4 weeks ago, he was found by the police.

Bereavement is different for everyone I know, but it is different again when you are struggling with all the emotions attached to mental health/addictions. My head is full of what ifs and if onlys.

I just wanted to reach out and say how truly sorry I am for your loss :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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@VickyD I’m so sorry that all of us find ourselves here. I lost my 57yo husband suddenly & unexpectedly on 7th November so it is still early days for both of us.

You’ve had a message from the moderator with links to counselling which I would recommend you look into. Take all & any help offered to get you through this. Also we’re all here as a community to support each other - so use us too.

Counselling will help you organise your thoughts and emotions. Regret is something we all feel at one time or another. But it is soooo easy to look back on situations with hindsight and think of ways you could have done things differently. Unfortunately we don’t live in a world of hindsight. We all have to make split-second decisions every second of the day on how to think, feel, act, talk. Keep telling yourself that we all only ever make the right decision with the information available to us at that time. You tried to help him and you need to hold onto that. :heart:

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@DeborahFrances i am truly sorry to hear of your recent loss. It is so very hard and I am sending u my prayers and thoughts. It is difficult to express the pain we are experiencing. How are you coping? I have been with people and out of the house, but I can’t avoid being home without him forever. X

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@Reality I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. thanks for the advice, I am definitely going to explore counselling. I am grateful for this site. I wish I could help everyone going through this x

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@VickyD You do help others every time you post because it means that someone else going through the same thing knows they are not alone.

None of us have the slightest idea of how the smallest thing we do can have a profound effect on someone else’s life. Every little shuffle forward matters :heart:

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@VickyD
I am truly sorry for your devastating loss. I too am new to this forum after losing my Wife of 31 years to Cancer on 07 / 11 / 23 after a 16 month battle.
I am completely broken & lost without her. We laid her to rest on Wednesday gone & the amount of people that turned out to pay their respects was amazing.
I have been looking into grief counselling & was contacted the day after the Funeral by a grief representative from the Hospice that looked after my Anna in her final weeks.
They did a sort of assessment of the phone to establish what frame of mind i am in & have agreed to provide some counselling sessions to help me.
I have more behind it than just the grief of losing my Wife, i also have anger issues related to the way she was treated by her Family in her final weeks.
They took the choice, both her parents & her two younger brothers not to visit her when she was taken into Hospital for the final time about a month before she passed away, they had no excuse or nothing stopping them, they just couldn’t be bothered. This angered & upset my Wife very much. She came home & spent her final 2 weeks with me before she slipped away. Her Family only decided to come to visit her after my Son went to their homes & told them how disgraceful their behaviour towards her was. My Wife made me promise not to kick off at them about it & i kept that promise although it was hugely difficult.
Since she passed it has been eating away at me for weeks & it’s made my grief journey more difficult.
Hopefully some kind of counselling can help me channel my anger into positive thoughts going forward.
Please do get some information on grief counselling as I’m hopeful that it may help you during your grief journey also.
Much Love & Take care xx :heart:

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hi there im going through yhe same thing . my partner passed 3 weeks he was addiction to alcohol for years , we was together 4 years . he was in and out hospital any other month with seizures and being sick. i thought it was the alcohol but they saying its inconclusive. just dont understand. im so heart broken. i hate my room, hate my house just feel so unsettled :pensive:

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@natz80
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Firstly you have made the right move coming to this forum, it is full of people in the same position, we have all lost a Loved one & are struggling with how to deal with that fact. You are not alone, we are all searching for the answers to the same questions… Why ? Why has my life been ruined ? What did we ever do to deserve this ? Finding the answers to these questions is probably like the quest for the Holy Grail… virtually impossible but we will continue with our search for answers to try to come to some kind of terms with our loss.
If we can support others that are grieving along the way than that is the compassionate thing to do, it may even help each of us feel better about our own situation. We are all different people experiencing the same heartbreaking feelings of loss.
Keep posting on here, i have no idea how long it will take for the feelings of loss to start to subside, maybe never, but if we want things to improve for ourselves we need to share our feelings with others, we can all help each other in some way, however small.
Much Love & take care xx :heart:

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Thank you. My situations so complicated, and I don’t have a fixed address right now, so staying with various friends and family. I have decided not to do Xmas at all, as it makes me sadder.
My partner, who I lived with had pushed me away earlier this year, which was part of a repeating pattern due to his mental health. I have seen lots of him, but I didn’t realise how badly his health had deteriorated.
He had attempted suicide before, very seriously and concealed his intentions then too. I hold onto the words of the psychiatrist at the time, who said “you just can’t stop somebody doing it”.
I hope you have support around you . :blue_heart: