I lost my nan a few years ago to lung cancer all I could feel is guilt for not seeing her enough. In August 2017 I lost my grandad to bladder cancer I felt anger because he was supposed to get treated but the first time they couldn’t because the cancer was bigger than they thought they then scheduled treatment for a months later and discovered it had spread to other parts of his body I felt like not enough was done to save his life. I lost my final grandparent my grandma in April last year very unexpectedly and was there when she passed away and resuscitation was attempted which was very traumatic. The loss of my grandma has particularly hit me hard she was my best friend and I wish I told her when she was alive. She paid for ny essentials to go to uni, she paid for my wedding dress and I was married with her wedding ring. Yet she didn’t get to see me graduate or get married none of my grandparents did which hurts I know in particular my grandma would’ve loved to have been there. It’s so difficult to cope with I feel sad and exhausted all the time and have times where I just sit and cry and can think of nothing but my loss. It’s started to effect my relationship with my husband I’ve never been affectionate but I don’t even feel like being intimate which isn’t normal for a 22 year old. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be on medication etc but I do feel depressed. I’m just struggling with how do I continue to live the rest of my life without the people who played such a huge role in my life and shaped me to be the person I am today. How do I carry on without them. Sorry for the long post I just felt the need to write it all down and maybe would make me feel better
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your grandparents over the last few years. This must be such a difficult time for you, particularly as you’ve had so many life events - uni, getting married - in that time. It is understandable and completely normal to be feeling this way following loss.
Have you got much support around you? You mention your husband - are you able to talk to him about how you’re feeling? It is really important to have the support network, whether that’s friends, family members, or perhaps even your GP.
If you feel that some additional support would be helpful at this time, we do offer free online counselling to community members. There’s more information about that here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
Keep talking to us here for as long as it helps and do let me know if there’s anything we can do to support you.