Loss of an adult child

I am so confused angry upset and don’t know what to do with myself every day. I found my son dead in the chair at home.he had been feeling ill over Christmas and we begged him to go to the doctors but he kept saying he was feeling better every day. I feel so guilty that it wasn’t me thats gone.

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Dear Jacqui, I think every Mother feels guilty that her child as gone first ,but there is nothing we can do or change.
I can relate so much to your story for it was four years ago just before Christmas that we lost our son he was also on his own in his own flat, it was my husband that found him and then phoned me, the shock was immense it’s something I could not live through again. He always seemed so healthy but at the inquest they said he had died from arrhymia.
Even to this day I still keep thinking (if we had done this or if we had done that)
It’s very early days for you ,just take it step by step and keep posting you will find there are so many people who have lost there adult child…so many of us in the same boat
My thoughts are with you…Marina xxx

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Thank u for your reply as I really don’t know what to do with myself.his funeral is tomorrow and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it xx

I think the funeral is something we all dread it feels so final, but on the day it’s amazing where the strength comes from and the courage that goes with it,
Thinking of you tomorrow…With love…Marina xx

Hello,

I feel for you. So sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter in August last year. About 24 weeks ago. It’s so painful. So unreal and the worst time of my life.

Be kind to yourself on this path of grief. You are never alone. Thoughts and prayers

Mrsmac

I got through the day somehow still awake at 2am just numb

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Hi Jacqui49,

I hope you have drifted off to sleep now. I think I have been in and out of sleep since 2am. Now it’s 5am probably as good as it gets now. That’s me for the day. The moon here is pretty bright and the stars are out. All peaceful and calm.

Maybe we will have a good day and maybe it won’t be the best. But I’m here for you if you want to talk about your son if it helps. Or what you are going to do today or did yesterday…

Mrsmac

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It seems to be getting worse. My moods are horrific im shouting and screaming at my partner constantly then breaking down.
I’m so angry at everyone. I still don’t know why he died the post mortem showed nothing and still waiting for results of samples.
I can’t bring myself to talk to people as I have nothing to say apart from my son is dead.

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Hi Jacqui49,

I feel your desperation and anger. This is truly a terrible time for you. Maybe silly questions apologise if you have already done this. Have you made contact with your GP? Have you registered for counselling with Sue Ryder (they have criteria so many weeks)?

The post mortem results and waiting for results must be absolutely awful. Although I hated the thought of a post mortem at least it gave us the reason why Laura passed away suddenly.

Anger is a natural emotion of grief. Although it’s not nice it’s one of the stages. I never felt anger. Just extreme sadness and loss and still do. Yesterday was a bad day for me. That awful feeling in the pit of my stomach no sleep and crying loads. I do all this and I know why Laura passed away and it’s been 25 weeks since she went. So be kind to yourself. Sometimes you have to go with your mood and like the weather the storm clouds come in it rains and then briefly the sun comes out.

Cruse have a helpline that you can ring and someone will listen to you today …. 0808 808 1677
It may be helpful to speak with them…

Take care
Mrsmac

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Thanks for the advice…I tried counseling when I lost my sister to cancer 2 and half years ago.
I felt it didn’t help as I couldn’t bring myself to talk

Does this help chatting on here? You can PM on here. Cruse Bereavement does on online chat with a counsellor which is instant. I’ve tried them all!!

Here if you need me

Mrsmac

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I think it helps im not quite sure at the moment as my mind is constantly whirring.
Trying to get through every day is a struggle.
It does help to know I’m not on my own though and that others are feeling the same.

Hi,

I think our minds whirl and over thinking comes in. I do it too. It’s exhausting. It’s 26 weeks since Laura left. It’s just so hard some days and so lonely. It’s not fair the pain and sorrow are there all the times. I miss her so much. I know the expectation to be over it from my family is there. But I never will be. I hope we find some peace….just a little….to keep going.

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