Loss of Dad

Good evening,

I decided to use this forum to see if anyone else has experienced something similar and has any advice they could share.

My Dad is now in what we believe and the Macmillan nurse believes are the final days of life, he is unable to talk and it has had a signification impact on the way I feel, even though he is still with us, I feel like he is already gone. I felt quite strong up until this point and I think that’s because I could still talk to my Dad. I am feeling the effects of grief quite profoundly. I’m feeling lost and I’m struggling to think of my life without him.

My Dad , 55 was given a suspected diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer at the end of June and was placed on end of life support at the same point, he was to weak for further tests or treatments. This happened so quickly and we were unable to process what was to come. Everything has happened so quickly and I’ve just watched my Dad slowly slip away day by day.


Hi @LauraJane, welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community.

I’m so sorry to hear that your father is nearing the end of his life. It’s understandable that it is extremely upsetting to see him like this. I’m sure he is being well cared-for by the Macmillan nurses and I hope it helps a little to have this place to write down how you are feeling.

We have another category in the forum in which may be able to connect with others in a similar situation to yourself: https://community.sueryder.org/c/end-of-life/8

We also have some information on our website about What to expect at the end of life and Helping someone who is close to death which you might find helpful to read.

Take care and please do keep posting if you find it helps.

Online Community team

Hi Laura,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
My dad passed away in November 2018. He was diagnosed with cancer on 19th October and he died on the 6th November. We were told he was terminal pretty much straight away and I really struggled to come to terms with this. We didn’t have time to plan ‘our last xmas’ or things that he wanted to do which broke my heart.
I’ve struggled, and continue to with depression and anxiety but I do know that my dad is looking down on me so proud.

My advice to you would be don’t have any regrets, I stayed with my dad every single minute right up until he took his last breath. Treasure every single moment with your dad and make every last memory you can with him, you’ll treasure them forever. You will soon see that you’re stronger than you think, don’t ever hold back with talking about things. There is always someone to talk to x


Hi laura,
First of all, I’m so sorry. I know this pain so well. My darling dad passed away 5 weeks ago after a short illness. He passed in the hospice and he too near the end lost all conciousness.

I played music to my dad, gigs I knew he went to I found them on YouTube. I sat and told him about what he would be able to watch us do from the sky, talked about all the people who he would soon be back with.

My dad when he was at home and very poorly always said he loved hearing us laugh, hearing us live, so I made sure we did that just incase he could still hear us.

The hospice nurses said that hearing was the last thing to go. Say everything your feeling and everything you want to say. The fact that you are there will bring so much comfort.

Sending you my thoughts and il be thinking of you during this time. My heart goes out to you as I know this pain so well.