Loss of dad

I recently lost my dad , massive hole left in my life, my dad was the lynch pin of the family, lost mom 8 years ago so dad brought 5 boys up on his own, now the family has been torn apart. I’m constantly thinking about dad, I’m lost, I’m sad, I don’t know how to cope don’t know where to start, I was finding it difficult to stop listening his songs he loved and from the funeral but recently stopped that but don’t want to lapse back in to it, angry at 3 brothers who rarely see dad, I won’t ever stop seeing dad, I find it hard to focus and I want to move on and be content and happy in life but I don’t know how too

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Hello @Princekj75,

I am so sorry about your dad - this is hard, this is really hard for you. It is raw, I know - we all know on here. Firstly, grief takes its own time. There is, sadly, no short cut. If there was, we would all have taken it. It just is a long road, but you are travelling it with us, your Sue Ryder family. Keep seeing your dad and maybe don’t give up on the songs he loved - they were part of him and it would be sad to let that go. I cope by talking to my late husband (how I hate writing that). T died in January and it has been a nightmare - coping, missing him, the silence at home, administration. It has been one foot in front of the other. Take your time, my friend, take your time. You are early on in this . I used to try and shut down how I felt, thinking it would help me move on - but it didn’t. So I opened up to my feelings and memories. I keep talking to T and telling how much I love him. Your love for your dad is eternal, it will sustain you through these days. Your brothers are likely grieving too, in their own way. There is no one way and no right way to mourn. We all muddle through, as best we can. So take another breath, take another step forward. You will be ok. Your Sue Ryder family here has got you, so if you feel the need to share anything, there is always someone nearby on here who understands.

Thank you for your reply and kind words, it is more than hard my dad was the lynch pin of the family, he brought up 5 boys on his own, now he’s gone massive hole and void in my life, don’t know how to cope in life where to turn, don’t want unrealistic expectations of myself so any help is appreciated, Rey raw it’s not been a year yet and grief yes will take as long as it does but I’ve got to learn to cope with grief the loss of my dad, but on here will be hopefully a nice journey I can share with others in same situation as myself, when I visit dad, I do talk to him as I’m putting fresh flowers cleaning his headstone, wishing it was just a bad dream, nightmare, wishing I could walk in the front living room and dads there, but deep down that’s not happening, I’m broken deep down, no I won’t give up on his songs, I was brought up on them, I just won’t go out my way to play his 2 favourite songs that was played at his funeral, I don’t need reminding of the day that be forever in my mind, do you think I should do that? I need to think of what I need to do and not worry about others, put me first? I’ve recently opened up properly to my partner and uncle and aunt, it my partner knows how I’m feeling the pain the hurt I’m going through,
Thank you for the message hope to hear from you soon

Kevin

Hey Kevin,

Firstly - you are doing really well - this stuff is hard, we all find it really difficult and we all understand. You know, I think you might find some counselling helpful. Talking with someone who is trained and understands and can offer coping strategies and that kind of thing. I am doing that and it helps, for sure. Sue Ryder offer this - maybe check that out. On the two favourite songs, if it was me, I would try and listen. The anticipation maybe worse than the reality - if these were his favourites, maybe consider them a gift to you and how you can be close to him. This is a long road, my friend, but you are not travelling alone. Check out some counselling - it is helping me and just might work for you, too. Be kind to yourself, be gentle and patient. We are with you on here.