Loss of daughter

I loss my daughter 5 weeks ago. She had triple negative breast cancer. She underwent 6 months of chemo. A mastectomy and then radiotherapy. Through out this she was brave always had a smile on her face never moaned. She found it so hard. It was so difficult watching her suffer but she never complained she was given the all clear. We were so happy. But she said mum why am I feeling so I’ll. we thought it was the radiotherapy. I mentioned her abdo pain numerous times. We went to A&E at the city hospital Birmingham one night. The told her they would not give her iv morphine made out she was just after opiates. My daughter suffer from depression and severe anxiety all her adult life. She was in tears. I could not believe how they had treated her. I was furious as I’m a qualified nurse and she was in agony. She was not screaming in pain but was agitated. Dispite being on oramorph and tablets she told me her pain was a 10 out of 10. They asked us to go back the next day as her d dymer bloods were low. We went back the next day. She had a scan. They found something on her liver spoke to oncology who said we know about that it’s ok. 4 weeks later she continued to be in excruciating pain. I took her to royal derby hospital. They had to give her fentanyl iv for pain admitted her on the 16th sept. The had her on iv antibiotics and her scans should multiple suspicions legions on her liver. And an inflamed gall bladder she had raised bilirubin levels. She celebrated her 30 th birthday in hospital. On the Sunday they told use her liver was failing. She had sepsis and would not be leaving hospital alive. She agreed to a do not resuscitate instructions. I took her home on the money with palliative care nurses in place. She was not coucious I watched my daughter deteriorate and she died one week after her 30th birthday with me and her sister holding her hand. I fucking furious with the oncologist. This was a massive clinical negligence error. My daughter died in agony

Miss her so much. She was my best friend and we saw each other every day. I just want to die and be with her. I was with her every step of her treatment. My darling daughter has gone. I have no family accept my ashleigh who died and my
Older daughter Loren. I’m totally lost xx


Hi Suzyhart

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really angry over what happened to your daughter, and are incredibly upset about it all, which is completely normal.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:


There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304

You deserve care and support so please, Suzyhart, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

@Suzyhart I am so sorry you have lost your beautiful daughter and in such a tragic way.
Your anger and grief are fully understandable, the pain of losing a child is too much to bare
I lost my daughter 13 weeks ago, I am very similar to you. My daughter suffered terrible pain and torment for almost a year after being diagnosed with a brain tumour. She was 21 when she died. Like you I have no one else except her older sister, but she was my world, my everything and I don’t want to live in this word without her. the only thing that’s helped me in any way is talking to people here, they’re the only one’s that understand.
Please keep using this space xx

1 Like

So sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your daughter. We lost our youngest, Lisa aged just 31. She left behind a beautiful wee girl who is now nearly eight. Its now 4 and a half years since she passed.
Clinical negligence is terrible. For your child to suffer so much is beyond belief.
I too wonder whether the medics treatment of Lisa’s lung fibrosis was a bit of a ‘lets try this’ scenario. She was so well until she was put on immune suppressent drugs and to me it was a death sentence. She caught so many viruses and ultimately caught something on holiday in Majorca which was the start of our living nightmare.
My heart goes out to you. Its so hard in those early days.

Sending love and strength.

Kate xx