Loss of husband

I lost my husband on the 28th october the say after our 7th Anniversary. Staying that night before he died I realised just how bad he was .I worked out he didnt have Long but I didnt think it would be 1 the next morning .He didnt want me there he didnt want me to see him like that .He had given up .I am devistated .
We have a 5 year old daughter as well .This was all because doctors put him on medication for arthritis and didnt monitor him .
How do people cope ?

Hi sue,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. There are alot of people on this site who are suffering greatly from loss in their lives and are getting a great deal of comfort from chatting to others here. I lost my mum suddenly in june. She had a brain hemorrhage 15 minutes after a routine operation. Although her post mortem showed the cause of death to be this as well as advanced heart disease, I believe my mums health went downhill after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in march 2018. She had been such a strong fit lady in her early 70s and then she was put on methotrexate which had such a damaging effect on her. She became so tired and much fragile in her last year. Unfortunately mum was due for a review in the rheumatology clinic 4 days after her death but I do think she became a shadow of herself. The other problem was that mum put any aches and pains and other symptoms of her mini stroke and heart attack down to her arthritis and didnt see her doctor because she was sure it was just her methotrexate.
What happened with your husbands arthritis?
Cheryl x

Thank you for replying .I think they should ban this drug .It causes so much damage and doctors clearly dont monitor it like it should be .Once the damage was done they took him off it .It was a blood clot that killed him but he was so weak and scared he just have up .
He is being cremated on Thursday and will be home one more night before he goes.He was my best friend and I miss him so much .I’m sorry to hear about your mum hun it seems very similar circumstances as he had a stroke also 2 years ago .I am so grateful I have found people in similar circumstances to talk to I lost my mum ,dad and husband all near the end of October it is a sad month for me .x

I’m very sorry you and your daughter are going through this sue and it’s not fair. I have another friend on methotrexate who is in her early 50s and suffers from lupus. She feels dreadful on the medication but its so difficult as she would feel dreadful if she wasnt on it as well.
I’m not blaming methotrexate for mums death as she had blocked arteries, heart disease and a brain hemorrhage but I do feel that mum was never the same after going on it. I do recall mum having a monthly blood test and they wouldn’t give her the new pack of methotrexate until they had the reviewed her results. Last year she was told she was in remission and they kept cancelling her hospital appointments. I dont know, maybe I’m looking to blame someone but it’s not going to bring my mum back or your husband.
It’s very early days for you sue. You are in shock and have a funeral to get through this week. Just get through each day, hour by hour and come on this site to vent whenever you need to.
Will be thinking of you x

Hello sue1,
I shall be thinking about you this Thursday, it will be an ordeal for you. I am glad that you have joined this forum, it does not take away your heartache but you will get comfort and understanding.

I know how you are feeling Sue1. I lost my husband unexpectedly on 10th February this year. He had COPD, but it was managed to a degree with inhalers. He became unwell and lost weight rapidly. Went to the doctors week before he died. Got told it was a chest infection. Given inhalers, amoxicillin and steroid tablets. The usual meds. He picked up for 1 day. I went out that day, knew I should of stated at home. I got a phone call from my 23yr old son, telling me my husband was non responsive and he was doing CPR on him, told him to call an ambulance. Time I got home, I knew there was no hope. 45 mins they worked on him. My husband was 40 years old. Why didn’t the doctors pick up he has bronchial pneumonia ? Why didn’t they listen when he stated he couldn’t eat due to phelm build up in his throat? Didn’t they notice how much weight he had lost?
I have been left with 5 young grandchildren to bring up, plus my own grown up children and other grandchildren who will now grow up with no grandad. I am devastated, heart broken and so angry that no one listened or acted on him. They just put it down to COPD, it wasn’t.

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