Loss of life partner after 22 years

I am 52 and lost my life partner suddenly yesterday. We never really had any other family. It was just us two v the world. Now she has gone I am filled with dread for the future. Nothing matters any more and I am in utter panic. Everywhere I look I see her and I am not coping.

Dear, dear Slab777, of course you’re not coping, it was just yesterday. Just sit and breathe. Catch your breath. Concentrate on your breathing and getting from one minute to the next. In, out, in, out. Don’t worry about anything else for the moment. When you’re ready make a cup of tea or coffee. I remember being told to do that because it’s normal. I also remember the feeling of utter panic you describe but 2 years later I’m still here. Not sure how I got here but here I am. You have found yourself on this site where you will receive love, strength and understanding, oh yes so much understanding. I am so sorry for your loss Slab777. Please don’t expect too much of yourself, take your time. We are all here for you. Sending love xx

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Thank you so much. It really hits you when you wake up at 3am and there’s no one there. She was my life and soul. Thank you again.

She still is your life and soul and will remain. I hate platitudes but I will just utter one:
She is not gone, she merely walks within you…

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Hi Slab777
You are in the right place here as you will find so much help and support. You have made the first step of many small ones you will take so that you can become stronger. How I admire you when you have only just lost your life partner. In time you may be able to talk about her more as you are safe here with us. We understand the utter panic and fear you are experiencing. Take one day at a time and we will hold your hand on this horrendous journey none of us chose to travel.
Sending hugs x

Thank you so much. Knowing I am talking to people who are going through this makes me feel in a much safer place. Thank you.

I lost my partner and soulmate on April 1st, she was my only friend in the world, my lover, my confidant and the only person I ever trusted with my life.
That loss you and I feel is the hardest and most devastating thing we ever deal with. Five months on I’d like to be able to tell you it gets easier, but I can’t. Even though I know for certain she lives on in my heart and watches over me from heaven I miss her like crazy.
Today I realised I’m not as strong as I thought I was, I surrendered to my emotions and sought help from a medical professional. I didn’t want chemical relief, but she listened to me, let me cry and get it out of my system. She referred me to a counselor and I have an appointment for tomorrow.
I thought I was coping, I’ve had a lot of support from this site.
My advice to you is keep visiting, post what’s on your mind, read the thoughts of others in the same boat, they are the only ones who truly understand what you’re going through. Lastly, as late as I am at taking the advice myself, don’t be afraid or see it as a weakness to ask for help. Knowing we’re not coping and seeking help is a strength not defeat.
Prayers and best wishes, Carl.

Thank you Carl I know you are right. I must happen to everyone eventually but I feel robbed as she was only 46. We had so much we wanted to do. The trust thing is a big part of it because I never trusted anyone so much as her to watch my back and help with every situation. I will try group therapy before I feel even worse. It was really excellent at helping and I learned this when I did not even need it. It is like a massive rush of support. Try it. One on one counselling is no where near as effective.
Good luck and all the best my friend. You will make it.

I understand exactly what you are saying, I knew my Rhonda for 22 years, we were together as a couple for 21. She was only just 61, a little older than your partner, but no age really. We had expected at least another 20. She too was the only person I trusted and truly loved.
We spent 20 of our years together away from the rest of the world in Oklahoma. We depended on each other. Half of the partnership is missing and I feel so alone. I try to socialize but I’m more of a loner. She was all I needed to make me whole and happy.
Since I returned to England I’ve been living in a home with three other people. Even so I still feel alone, only those who have experienced what we are going through understand. I have found this site invaluable, it’s fair to say a lifesaver, literally. I don’t have so many lows now, or cry as much but it doesn’t take much to bring it back.
Take care and hang in there.

Thank you Carl, I know what you mean. When I am alone I am really alone. I have some comfort with her mother here with me right now but I am terrified at the fact this will be with me for ever now. I am worried I won’t hold out but I am trying right now. Thank you, I hope that I can Continue to gain strength through this site. Nigel