Loss of mother

My mother died 18 months ago and I still feel low. There were some other losses, a good fiend died and I retired,and I am worried about the imminent empty nest syndrome as my youngest leaves. But mainly I think it is the loss of my mum. I feel guilty I didn’t do more for her, she was lonely at the end having fallen out with my sister and I thought I’d go and see her more after retirement but she died the following week. If only I could go back and retire earlier. But I can’t. I hope it r solves soon. It does seem a little better but sadness comes in waves

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Hi Peter,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your mother and how low you are feeling. There is no set timeline on grief, and it can be very common to experience feelings of guilt as well as sadness. It sounds as though you have also had a lot of other change in your life to deal with at the same time.

It’s important to have outlets for your emotions, as bottling them up can make grief last longer. I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as writing things down here can be one good way to get things off your chest.

If you feel that you need to talk to someone more one-on-one, we also have a free online bereavement counselling service here on the site. Find out more: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

Thats exactly how i feel sometimes…even though we knew mum was dying i still feel like i could have done more, could have been there more, could have said more. Even though i was there every day, i still wish for more. I think its something we all wonder, when in reality, we did the best we could. Theres nothing more to remember other than we loved them and they loved us

Hi Peter

I am sorry to hear of your loss and family situation. My mother passed away over 3 years ago and I still miss her and being at home visit her every month and at this time of the year on Wednesdays when I feel the need.

It will be a time of big family changes and with fallouts as well maybe some discord to come. I hope your family feel they can talk or reminisce about your mother because that will help with your sister - does she feel upset about falling out with your mother.

I was made redundant shortly after mum died and even after 3 years my sister and I are still living in the family home, not having flown the nest yet.

It is understandable that you wished you could have done more for your mum. But rest assured you couldn’t. otherwise, I’m sure you old have done more. It is a very scary and emotional time full of uncertainties.

Just concentrate on doing what you can to heal yourself and the family. There is much knowledge here and books recommended by members to help you on your way. Good luck.

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My condolences to you.
I lost my mum on Christmas eve and I take comfort from the memories that no one can take away from me. I am a medium so I am fortunate to pick up on my mum still being around. look out for white feathers small stones and coins. it is a way of our love ones letting us know that they are still with us. when I looked at my mums coffin I knew that inside was just the shell my mum used to live in, her presence is never far away. my seven year old grandson told my son that he had seen his great gran in his bedroom and this brought the child and family comfort.