Hello everyone, i lost my mum to breast cancer 8 years ago, when I lost her I was 16 weeks pregnant with my little boy which has caused me to bury my grief and now that hes older and also just recently had a diagnosis of autism it’s all coming back. I keep remembering our last days and hoping she will come back for one day just to give me a cuddle and tell me it will be okay. I’m struggling to eat my relationship with my partner is suffering, I’m struggling to cope with my little boy also due to the grief. I’ve had counselling about 6 months ago and I don’t feel it helped too much cos I’ve buried my feelings for so long xxxx
I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your mum just before becoming a mum yourself. It sounds as though you didn’t get a chance to grieve properly at the time, and, when that happens, people can find that the grief comes back and hits them a long time later. It is not too late to start opening up about your feelings, and I’m glad you’ve been able to take the step of writing your first post here. While you wait for more replies to your post, I wanted to point you in the direction of some other users who are dealing with the loss of a parent some years ago - click the links to read their posts and reply if you wish:
- SamBain85: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent/4-years-after-losing-mum
- 3Coreyalex: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-bereavement/dad
- Emrev: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent/5-years-and-hyperventilating
- Berit: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent/when-you-think-you-are-ok-then-you-are-not
There is also this post from KateJ, who also lost her mum while pregnant: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent/4-years-after-losing-mum#post-35402
If you might consider giving counselling another go, we also have a free online counselling service here on the site. It takes place over video chat and you can speak to a trained counsellor who specialises in bereavement. Find out more: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
I’m sorry also to hear about your son’s diagnosis - this must be a difficult and overwhelming time for you and it is understandable that you miss your mum even more. Do you have any support with his diagnosis? The National Autistic Society can offer lots of help, including a helpline and an online forum: https://www.autism.org.uk/
I’m so sorry to hear of your problems. But you have come to the right place believe me. Burying feelings is not good. Even if that particular counselling didn’t work for you there are other counselling services that might help. But unloading is so important. You are not alone.
It makes no difference if it’s 8 years or 8 weeks, the pain is still often unbearable.
Yes, it can affect your partner, and often we get irritable and are upset for no apparent reason. They may not understand, how could they.
Your little boy will be confused and upset too. Kids have no real concept of death and often retreat into their shell. All you can do is love him. Give him hugs and comfort.
Autism is eminently treatable. Many kids live with it although it’s often hard on parents. Now it’s important you continue to unload your emotions. Please don’t bottle them up. Come on here if you feel bad or want to unload. We do listen, all of us. Take care and Bless you.
I lost my Mum few months ago. We lived together and I was her carer.
I feel very lost and alone. Trying to move on but it’s tough. People are constantly asking me how I am (friends, work colleagues etc) I’m just lying and saying I’m OK as people either dont understand or are asking out of duty.
Its daft but I keep thinking this is a dream and I’m going to wake up soon and Mum will be there.
Its reassururing to find others who have gone through this.