Loss of my beloved husband of41 years

I lost P on 14Feb this year.We we’re married for 41 wonderful years.He was in and out hospital many times last year but always came home.His last admittance was19Dec last year and he never came home.I was at his side to feed him,wash him deal with his personal care.He only wanted me to care for him.He almost died twice but rallied but I knew the next infection would not be recoverable.I was by his side and although we knew he was dying and for many months I pregrieved it was like a volcanic eruption when the shock and trauma of all those months hit me.I miss him so and he was too young to die.I cry every day, some times I am hyperlactiv, then something will set me off again.I can’t believe I can sob so much.The emptiness and the heartache can only be understood by someone going through the same.My friend related it to a divorce! There is no way you can relate the death of a beloved husband of 41 years to the divorce of a husband over 30 years ago.!I know some people mean well but they DoNot Know What It is Like!
Family and friends are supporting me as much as they can but I need to grieve in my own way and time.Sometimes I just want to be alone as I can only stand “happy family” for so long.
Thanks for letting me talk.The similar posts do resonate with me and make me know that what I am going through is similar to others who have lost their husband,soulmate,best friend.I will love P forever.


Sending you love @Wifeofpete
I totally agree that there is no comparison between the death of a much loved husband and a divorce. I would not have believed how truly devastating losing my darling husband would be. I am guilty of not ‘getting it’ before it happened to me.

You will find plenty of support on here as you negotiate your way along this unmapped pathway of grief. Great inspiration from many who have eventually managed to make a life they can call life.
Karen xxx

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@Wifeofpete I am so very sorry ,it is so hard having to go through this awful heartache. I am almost five months in on this journey. I thought I was getting a tiny bit better but for the last few days I am feeling as if it has just happened again.
I am crying so much and have that pain again in my heart. I have stayed in for the last three days as wanted to be on my own but didn’t really as all I want is my old life back with my husband. I am having to go out tomorrow as need to shop. My neighbour takes me as I have lost the confidence to go alone.
I know I won’t always be like this , I will get stronger.
Posting and reading other people’s stories on this site have helped me so much. I do hope you get comfort from knowing we are all feeling the same pain and are here to help in any way we can.
Big hugs xx


So sorry for your loss. My partner of 17 years died unexpectedly two weeks ago today. I can’t believe anybody out there could compare the death of a husband or partner to a divorce. If I had broken up with my partner I would still have wanted him to be happy and would have always cared for him deeply and wished the best for him. To lose him to death is absolutely heartbreaking, to know I’m never going to see him, speak to him or touch him again kills me. Nobody really understands what we feel unless they have been through it themselves. Even people who say oh when I lost my mother etc don’t seem to get the difference. A partner is someone you get into bed with, talk to about everything and anything, cuddle up with and share your life with. It’s the most horrendous loss I have ever had :broken_heart:


Also I’d like to add that when two people divorce there’s a reason for it, one side or both were not gappy and wanted out. To lose a husband or partner when you were happy, in love and had plans for the future is a whole other ball game :broken_heart: I hope nobody ever compares my loss to a divorce because I don’t think I’ll be able to hold my tongue.


@Wifeofpete sorry you are here, yes lost my wife 43 years. I have lost my mum early at 25 years old, lost my farther -in-law six months later. In 2005 lost my mother in law and 6 months later lost my father. Lost my sister in 2012 and my brother-in-law Feb 2022. None of these prepared me for loss of my soulmate in July 2022. My world went so dark…and the little light which pulled me through was my 20 mth old granddaughter who is now my world and reason for existing.


Wow, all those losses. How can life be so cruel. I’m so sorry. Ali

Gosh that is a lot of losses, I’ve had quite a few myself. My partner pretty much just accepted every loss we’ve had, he had a very blunt attitude to death and dying and would always say well we can’t all live forever. His dad died at 70 a few years ago, his dad had the same attitude. They were so alike and got on so well, when his dad died he was basically like well he’s had a good life, he’s been places and had a family and he didn’t suffer at the end, he had a heart attack. He was obviously upset but he was so practical and accepted him going almost straight away. His only concern was keeping his mother going, he didn’t leave her side for weeks, he made sure she got out after the funeral, made sure she ate and looked after herself. He would say to me it’s easy for Dad, he’s gone, it’s the ones left behind who suffer and that’s so true. Everyday I see on the news someone dying either children or extremely young before they even had chance to live and it just makes everything seem so bloody pointless.

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@LostLil and @Ali29 thank you for you kind rwords i managed these as i had my linda then my daughter who needed me to he strong and support them. My granddaughter now needs me to be strong to support her, so i am and will fight to be around to see her grow into a strong woman. Wishing you all hope on finding your way to ride the waves of grief.