Loss of my dad, feelings of guilt

My dad passed away this week, and I’m struggling with the grief but also the feelings of guilt. He had been fighting problems with alchohol for about the last 18 months, and sadly it was to much for his organs. He was admitted to icu, then put onto the ward where the medication wasn’t helping so stopped and sadly passed shortly after.
We were close and had many happy memories. However of course the relationship deteriorated due to the alcohol, we spoke about once a month over the past year, he was always so positive and hid how serious his addiction was from me, however I did know about it, now I’m full of guilt I didn’t take it more seriously and call him more / offer him support.
Our boxing day visit was cancelled due to covid , so I hadnt seen him since last February.
I know he was offered support after being hospitalised last January but this was all very limited due to covid. He was married to my step mum but I know their relationship was on the rocks due to the hiding of alchohol etc, and he hadn’t worked for a year.
2 weeks before he was hospitalised this jan we spoke and he said he was hoping to go back to work soon. Then after 2 weeks in hospital he was gone. I wish I had done so much more for him.

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your father, Guilt is part of grief and i think everyone who loses someone they love deeply experiences this to some degree.

Try to remember that if he had needed your help he knew you were on the end of the phone.

Once the shock has worn off the happy memories will give you much comfort.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes I can’t being myself to think of our nice times to much at the moment but I am sure they will be of comfort in time.
Many thanks

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad.

My dad battled with alcoholism and bi polar my whole life, and in august took his own life just 2 weeks after me and my brother had him out for a birthday meal. It’s so confusing and I’m still trying to process it, but can honestly say I tried my whole life to help my dad, so many people did, unfortunately if they don’t want help they won’t take it. You should not feel one ounce of guilt for not having done more because the unfortunate reality is there probably wasn’t much more you could have done. It’s an awful addiction. I hope you are okay, I think your dad was very lucky to have you in his life. X

Hi,
Thank you for your reply.
I am sorry also to hear the loss of your Dad in August.
I think sadly you are right, they have to admit they needed help as the first step, its just so sad to think about the internal struggles they must have had over the addiction.
I hope you manage to get through this, as do I. After the initial hit of grief and guilt I am now just numb, so I am sure that it is going to be a long journey.
Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you will be ok x

I lived with my Dad being an alcoholic for most of my life sometimes functioning and sometimes not. This is what led to a lot of the health problems he had over the last few years.
You cannot feel guilty for it. What I did learn was that it can only be helped by themselves regardless of anything or any conversation you have. He always meant it when he said he was going to stop drinking but the addiction us so strong that the intent can only happen when they really want it to.
I truly understand your pain but I think we have to hold onto the moments that we could control and it sounds like you always had love together and that is the most important thing to hold onto because that is the only thing that matters xx

Thank you for your message. I am sorry for my day in replying. I think I have been in denial the last week but have dads funeral tommorrow then I am sure it will all be very real.
Thank you for sharing your story with me.
I hope we will both be ok, and eventually that the guilt will pass and I can just think of our happy times together. Xx

Back to top