My mum passed when I was 2 and it always been me and dad. He passed at 60 years old 3 days before my 40 birthday. In January. I thought I was coping ok but this time of year has hit me hard. With traditions and my children. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning I don’t do nothing. Infact I don’t want to be here anymore but I also don’t want my kids to feel this pain that I am feeling. I have no one now to look after me. It just me. I miss my dad more than I can explain. I don’t no how to live like this with out him.
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Hi Gale,
I have literally just joined this site a few minutes ago and have come across your post. My wonderful Dad, at Age 86, passed away exactly 4 months ago today. I still have my Mum (Age 82) who lives in the family home just a few minutes from me. 60 is a young age for your Dad. I’m 53 but I clearly remember my 40th Birthday. You mention about this time of year. I was incredibly close to my Dad - sounds like you were too with your Dad. It’s totally overwhelming, I get how you feel. It’s simply awful. I’m struggling to even process what has happened. You mention about not wanting to get out of bed - I know how you feel, I really do. I was already on anit-depressants before my Dad passed away. I have since been to my GP and increased the dosage. I’m not suggesting this is a good idea, but I just knew I wasn’t coping. I’m not sure if it’s helped. To be honest, things are just difficult. I think about my Dad throughout the day. I play songs that he liked. I feel like I’m in a daze. I’m definitely not thinking straight. Everyday tasks are difficult. It totally consumes you.
Hi honey. I was also on anti depressants before my dad passed. Unfortunately I also have heart failure and are on beater blockers due to this there is nothing doctors can give me and the waiting list for councilibg. I sorry to hear about your dad. Yes my dad was very young and I miss him dearly. I Have 3 kids and granddaughter and I trying so hard to kick my self up the bottom but it just getting worse and worse I am really struggling to fight my own brain. I just don’t want to go on.
I understand how you feel. I’m going to have a go at watercolour painting. I can’t draw but hoping to have a go at some simple beginner ideas. I’ve found a beginners tutorial on YouTube. I think it will be nice to take my mind off things. Can you take yourself out for a walk or meet up with a friend for coffee? Do you have a dog or a cat? It’s extremely difficult to get out of a particular mindset or feeling. Today I was thinking I could just do with someone to look after me during the day when my husband’s at work!! Just to say “come on, let’s go for a walk” or “here, I’ve made you a nice lunch”. Loneliness can be difficult I think. I try and meet up with friends once or twice a week.
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I don’t really have many friends. Unfortunately I kept my circle and wish I didn’t and made more friends but I didn’t. I diamond paint a lot and your right it does take ur mind of it but lately not even that’s working. I don’t have pets. I no full well my dad would not like to see me like this. And also when I do see people I ain’t seen in a while. All the conversations was about was my dad he was big person that knew a lot of people. I just don’t no what to do. I’m so tired I ain’t doing house work. Showering when I really need to ain’t even put my face on for weeks and this is not like me. Wish I could just click my fingers and smile due to smiling just not the fake smiles that I have to put on my face which is coming increasingly harder every day. I just burst in to tear.
It’s just very hard. Have you tried bereavement counselling? You can get it for free I think. I always feel better at the time when I’ve spoken to someone about it. Even chatting to you is nice. We’re far from alone. Diamond painting sounds good. Are there any local groups you could go to? I went to a knitting class for a few weeks a long time ago! It was fun and I met some nice people but my interest in knitting didn’t last unfortunately! Do you have a local church? Sometimes they have people who support people in the community. Could you help in a local primary school voluntarily, for example, listening to children read. Sorry if none of these ideas suit you but I thought they were worth a mention. I know what you mean about the fake smiles. Do you know what I did today for the first time since my Dad went? I told myself I was going to think of a nice memory of him everyday, as all my thoughts are so negative with his loss. It definitely helped.
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I am not one for a lot of people. But I will try the good thoughts from tomorrow. I have spoken to some one they said what I feel and am like is perfectly normal but some how I feel very pathetic. I guess a lot is the fact that hospital said he be ok and throw the would next day he was gone and I held him why he took his last breath which I am so thank ful I was there as he was not alone. I guess it also I have big family but I haven’t heard from any of them. I just need some one at my side right now xx
I understand what you mean by the hospital saying he’d be ok. My Dad was unwell with numerous stays in hospital. He spent his final days in his bed in his room at a local care home where he’d been since last December. I so badly wished he could get better - I got my hopes up. I was there too when he took his last breath - it is such a priviledge that we got to do that don’t you think? So many people don’t get that chance. My Dad was fading away for his last couple of days - in a deep sleep - I spent many hours just sitting next to him, holding his hand, cuddling him and talking to him. It was such a special time. My Mum and I were both with him at the end. You and I are so lucky they took their last breath when we were there. I don’t have a big family - I have a sister who is estranged from us - she hadn’t seen my Dad for over a year when he passed away. She didn’t visit him when I told her he hadn’t got long left. She didn’t go to his funeral either. I’ve never got on with her and haven’t spoken to her for years so it didn’t bother me but it had a huge effect on my parents. Which in turn caused me great stress. It’s a surprise when you say you haven’t heard from your family. People are strange! That’s my conclusion anyway! I read somewhere the other day what someone had written who lost their Dad. It said “you were there when I took my first breath and I was there when you took your last breath.” That really upset me because it’s true.
Please know that I understand your grief - it’s horrendous. I still haven’t processed my Dad not being here. It’s totally surreal. xx
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Yes as I was reading what u wrote it reminded me of how do I say goodbye by dean lewis. Please listen to it. It such a beautiful but also so true in my heart.
I have no brothers or sisters. Some time I’m thankful for that as this pain is horrible and would not want them to feel this but some times I wish I did have some one by my side. Helping me get throw it. As I feel very alone. Even in a room full of people. Strange.
I only ever knew my dad. He brought me up to be who I am today. There was never anyone close on my heart. We was best friends to. I feel very very lost.
I am really grateful for this chat. Thank you
I will definitely listen to Dean Lewis. I can fully understand feeling alone in a room of people. There’s no-one quite like a Dad who loves and adores you. You could chat to someone - like I mentioned before - bereavement counselling could be good. My GP mentioned it. As far as I know, it’s free. My Dad was very close to my heart too - we were very close. Do you have any voice mails or videos of him where you can listen to his voice? I have lots on my phone and on his phone to my daughter, which I’ve recorded them all onto a dictaphone so I can listen to them. They last about 20 minutes - it’s amazing to hear him. I was watching a short video of him today on my phone that I took a few months ago, where he’s sitting in his chair in his room at the care home and thanking me for everything I was doing to help him. It’s lovely to watch, it really is. It actually makes me smile and feel warm inside. I understand how lost you feel - there’s nothing quite like it is there? I’m grateful for this chat too - it’s nice to share your feelings with someone who’s been through the same thing. I don’t think people truly get how we feel unless they’ve experienced it themselves. xx
So true tho. Do you ever get the impression that when u try to talk to people about how down and sad your feeling they make u feel like I should have accepted it and got over it. Thing is I don’t accept it fully my head knows but my sole does not. I am diamond painting to try take my mind of it. But don’t work for long. I have 1 video of my dad talking to his budge and photos with the kids but there only one of me and him. I am so sad about that we take things for granted. Please let me know what you think of the song when u get times.
I think people just have no idea how you’re feeling unless they’ve been through it themselves. I’m listening to the song right now as I type this to you. It’s a nice song. Keeping busy has definitely helped me. I know it’s not possible to be busy all of the time but it does help. I feel very drained and exhausted since my Dad passed away. I think it must take it’s toll on you a lot more than you actually realise. It can certainly be emotionally exhausting if I think about it too literally. It can make me very upset to the point of sobbing until my body hurts. I try not to get like that now as it makes me feel unwell. I totally agree with you about your head knowing but not your sole - that’s a perfect way of describing it. I definitely haven’t come to terms with it. It’s totally surreal to me. xx
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Hi Gale, please please don’t give up your kids need you lovely, how you are feeling now is terrible 
but I don’t think that you want your kids to feel that pain yet. Your kids love you and need you 
I know lovely that it’s really really hard at the moment but I promise you that it will get easier… I can’t say when, because everyone is different with their grieving.
Your Dad will be so proud of you and your family.
There are people who care about you…. even though we/they have never met you…. So you are not alone… message me if you need a chat or help x
Fell very very low and no I would not want my children to feel my pain. It hurts. Thank you for reaching out to me. I do appreciate even tho I probably don’t show it. My youngest is sitting there eating his dinner happy as Larry I just wish I could give them a happy mum. Especially this time of year.
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That will come back , give yourself time lovely… im glad your Son is happy 
x