Loss of my husband

Hi, on the 4th June this year my wonderful husband passed away. He was diagnosed with pancreatic metastatic cancer to the liver 3 years ago. He was determined to be with us for as long as he could and what a fight he put up. The doctors couldn’t believe how he managed his illness. Such a strong man, we had a truly great marriage, in August it would have been 38 years. As we discussed before he passed away, we had been so fortunate to have had such a good marriage and that not everyone had been so fortunate. I was anticipatory grieving for a long time, of course on the quiet, trying to prepare myself for the day he was no longer here. But nothing can prepare you for the terrible sadness that overcomes you like waves and some days you are drowning in tears and at other moments calm. It’s so awful, my daughter is such a comfort to me but I try not for her to see my grief sometimes because she has lost her father.

Hi there I couldn’t just scroll past your post im so so sorry for your horrendous loss it’s heartbreaking your husband sounded like a very strong man who fought until the bitter end like alot in fact like all of our husbands/wives/partners who fought and fought your right nothing can ever prepare you for there loss it’s horrendous there’s alot of kind caring wonderful people on here who will support you I’m sure once again im sorry for your loss no words can describe the pain of losing your Soulmate in my thoughts and prayers take care of yourself as much as possible in my thoughts Adele x

Hi Margarita, welcome to the site and I know many on here have very similar stories including myself. I tried not to think ahead because I didn’t want it to happen or really thought it would and then people say but you know it would happen, it makes no difference at all. The shock and horror of being on your own without your soulmate is the hardest thing we have to go through. Take tiny baby steps and always be kind to yourself. It’s early days and it’s a long road but if you believe like me, he will be there holding your hand when you need it. Look for the bright side and try to smile, we are always here for you. Take care because your immune system will be at a low ebb. Blessings S

Ade, thank you for your kind words

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Thank you, it is very tough at the moment, I never dreamt my husband would go before me, as I’m the one with many health issues over the years. Bless him he never got to enjoy his retirement, he was paying in so much national insurance over the years and the government chooses to only give me £8 extra on my pension. Well, I suppose its something. I find I’m going to bed extremely late, then not able to sleep, then tears start and so it begins. It always catches me and I want to cry and wail just like a child does but of course I don’t. I just feel exhausted and physically weak as if Im recovering from an illness. Bit by bit I’m feel a little stronger. Be strong and just go with it those that are experiencing such a terrible loss. There is no easy solution, everyone deals with it in their unique way.


Hi Margarita
My husband too had pancreatic cancer but passed after 16months at stage three. He was always fit bronzed and healthy but the cancer turned to sepsis(I blame the lack of hygiene at hospital) and he could not fight anymore. Pancreatic cancer is devastating and survival rate so low. I am so sorry for your loss and it seems your husband put up a terrific battle. I am always here if you need to talk personally on this kind of cancer please message me. Love and thoughts.

Hi there im sorry for your loss in the final few days I wish I’d known the signs of Sepsis I’d never heard of it even though posters were around me I feel so guilty and then they fail to leave Sepsis off the certificate only now they are raising more awareness of Sepsis :broken_heart:

Thank you, I’m sorry for your loss too, it’s such a terrible time for all of us, but strangely enough, having to stay in because of corona virus has somehow taken the pressure off of having to participate in normal living which I’m not ready for yet. At least I feel we are all in the same boat, and it will give us time to heal, a little bit.

I know what you say about pension and what you don’t know until it happens because we just don’t talk about death or bereavement, so when it does happen we are totally taken aback by it all. Your last post did remind me that I had thought that we had lost our way by not wearing black to tell people that we needed to be taken care off. So not going around as normal as had just that impact, be careful when you do start doing some of the normal day to day life, the thing that got me was people saying ‘have a nice day’ it still seems daft. Take it slowly and look after yourself because grieving takes it’s toll on ever part of your physical and mental life. Remember crying is allowed, we all do it.:cry:

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