My husband passed away 4 months ago and I just don’t know what to do or how to function properly
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It’s 3 years today since I lost Craig my husband. The only thing I can say is one day at a time. I hated the world and everything in it when he died, I felt robbed of both my life and his, but I knew he wouldn’t want me to be angry and sad the way I was so I took one day at a time, some days were awful but one day I realised I was happy and then I felt guilty but I know that this is all part of the grief and you need to work through it. I miss Craig every single day, my life changed so much a complete turn around but I believe you will get through this.
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Hi Bevann, I lost my husband 4 months ago as well he died unexpectedly in his sleep, it was so awful finding him, I keep hoping he will come back to me but I know he wont , I feel so lost without him
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Hi
I keep expecting him to walk through the door, or when my phone rings I think it will be him, but I know it never will be. It’s so hard
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I went through the same thing, if something happened I always wanted to phone and tell him. I decided just to keep texting him instead, tell him about my day and this might sound crazy but I found it helped. I knew he would never answer but it still helped to get stuff off my mind. I told him how I was feeling and I would still have a cry but I felt better after. I’m not saying it will work for you but I told my husband everything so it just felt right. This is the first time I have spoken on here but I have watched what people have said and the one thing I discovered was that everything I was going through was normal, how I felt it was just part of grief and I hope people on here help you as much as it helped me.
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Hi Chris - I lost my husband sixteen months ago and I did exactly the same as you did - I took one day at a time - nothing that I had experienced in my 73 years prepared me for the grief and heartache that I felt - it was an awful shock one mi Ute he was alright and the next minute he had gone but he certainly isn’t forgotten I still love him and it gives me comfort to think of our 55 years together and the happy times we shared - no one can take his place but over time I realise I will not see him physically and not feel him but my mind is full of our memories and that keeps me going - I have to some sort way of way show my children and grandchildren how to carry on in his memory and be strong for them and also give them my love and the love that he would have given them - if you give your time and stop sitting and losing the hours in sorrow for yourself it doesn’t do any good - so I try and stay busy during the day and spend the nights thinking of my husband and I only remember the happy times we shared which is wonderful.
I was with Craig 33 years and he was only 50 when he died but the one thing he taught me was to live life, I could never imagine being with anyone else ever but I’m learning to live, my kids and grandkids have helped me too but texting on the phone to my husband helped me and I still do it now. I get up every day and remember him for all the good times we had and slowly I’m forgetting all the sadness him dying caused. I know everyone is different but I believe taking one day at a time helped me through the worst, so for anyone reading this thats going through it be kind to yourself and don’t expect to much and you will get through.
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I lost my hubby 4 months ago too, 2 days after our 46th anniversary, I said on another section what I do each day that makes me feel a little closer to him, I have a a plaque on the wall with ‘our song’ lyrics, When will I see you again by 3 Degrees, on a cabinet below I have a memorial lamp with a verse on, a photo of him and his urn in the centre, I hug his urn and kiss his picture, tell him I love him, update him on anything that may have happened in the day then wish him a goodnight, I do sometimes end up crying myself to sleep but those nights are getting less, we do what feels right for us, it doesn’t matter what it is, we are all different in how we find a coping mechanism, but together we will get through it in time, Bevann & Stoneware stay strong and find what is right for you.
thank you , it is nice to hear from other people in my situation until it happens to you no one else can realise how lonely and sad it makes you feel, it is overwhelming
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A lovely friend came to see me today, and she was trying her best to encourage me to " go for a walk", " join a club " etc. on my own, as she could see how lonely I am. I tried to explain to her that at the moment, I don’t want to go anywhere on my own. I’m not used to going anywhere without my husband of 52 years, and if I did he would be here when I got home.
It doesn’t make any difference now, wherever I go , as I will always be coming back to a silent, empty house. I tried to explain my lack of motivation, lack of confidence to do anything other than stay at home in familiar surroundings, where I can grieve, cry, and remember my husband. My friend just didn’t get it. She was off home to pack suitcases for a holiday with her husband.
She did say she didn’t understand as she wasn’t in my position, but said that she thought I should be starting to make the best of life on my own after 8 months.
That’s the point of me writing really, nobody gets it until you’re in this awful situation yourself, like everyone is on this site.
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I still don’t really go anywhere on my own except work and I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have that. I was with my husband for 32 years so not as many as yourself but I do think he wouldn’t want to see you sitting at home on your own. I felt guilty at first if I laughed or did something that was not me mourning but I soon realised that he wouldn’t want me to be unhappy and I don’t believe your husband would be either. So try a walk or maybe just a quick look in the shops my favourite was walking the dog, just to have a chat with someone, don’t punish yourself for what has happened it was out of your control. Big hugs sent your way.
I feel so exhausted too as I don’t sleep well. It’s not as if I dont see people but the loneliness is always there. I am going to stay with friends in Wales in a couple of weeks, and will be travelling by coach so will see how that goes.
X
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I hope being with friends helps you, I remember being tired for months after my husband died. Just take one day at a time. X
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Hello I lost my husband 5weeks ago and although I keep busy in the day I fine the evenings very hard and lonely . I would appreciate any conversations in the evenings to make them shorter
No people don’t understand and eight months is not a long time to try and adjust to what can only be described as a nightmare. Today I went and had a haircut and wash and blow dry - this is the first time since my husband died 13/04/21 suddenly and we had a long marriage we met at 17 married at 21 and he died at 72 . I do miss him and I think of him a lot - when I used to go and have my hair done he used to say “where are we going you look fantastic” I am sure I didn’t but he loved me treating myself to a hairdo and buying new clothes.All I can say to you is still give him your love and remember all those happy years you spent together and find comfort in your thoughts. Life will not be the same from now on but try and find little bits of pleasure out of reading a good book or gardening or whatever you feel you might just enjoy for five minutes. Don’t expect too much of yourself because it’s early days and we all need to recover and mend - the heart is a complex part of our being and it needs to be cosseted from now on so bear that in mind - and don’t try for happiness just a little bit of contentment will do. Regards Susan
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Totally agree you don’t understand at all until your there on your own, people say you will get over it you won’t. Life now is so different. I do go out but when I come home the silence is terrible.
I try to go out with friends but the emptiness is awful when you get home again. I had my husband 53years I did think we would have few more years but wasn’t to be. I cherish those years and only was ill 2weeks and then gone. Also as it was covid it was heart breaking we couldn’t visit. Like a nightmare that’s what we had to go through xAngels
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Oh you comment about being tired is so me, I seem to have inherited my late hubbies sleep pattern, although I wasn’t a great sleeper before with sleep apnoea but I did always get around 6>6.5hrs a night now I’m lucky if I get 4hrs, but then I feel so tired in the day, I can sit on a night watching tv and fall asleep, writing an email and nod off, sewing I nod off, it might only be briefly as I then get muscle twitches that shakes me awake again, or I can nod off for an hour.
Hi AnneC. I fully relate to you wanting to stay at home. For the first 12 months after losing my husband I didn’t want to go out, my home was my sanctuary, where I felt safe and didn’t have to put on a show. It’s where we are surrounded by familiar things and our memories. Don’t force yourself to do anything unless you want to; you will know when that time comes. I’m sure your friend was only trying to help but you know in your heart when you are ready to take that next step.
It’s been 19 months since my love passed away, and I still can’t believe it. I’ve returned to work now, which has helped, but it’s hard coming home to an empty house, but I feel my hubby is always at home waiting for me.
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I’m much the same I just don’t want to venture out, I’ll go to my son’s or he will visit, my daughter comes to me 1 day a week for dinner, that’s about the only time I have a ‘real’ meal, I’ll have a hair trim or nails done but that’s it, I just don’t want to mingle with others not that anyone else has even bothered to ask anyway, I don’t really have a circle of friends like I used to.
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Hi Chris07
I’ve just read your post and after nearly 15 months, I still text Ian twice a day. I always wish him good morning or good night and tell him what I’ve been up to. It’s also a time when I can express my true feeling about anything that is bothering me. In a way, it’s as if he is still there for me and I would be lost without it. It may sound crazy, but it helps me and that’s what counts. Sometimes I’m in tears, other times annoyed and occasionally even happy but he ‘listens’ and I feel better.
Julie x
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