My soulmate of 17 and a half years lost his battle with cancer on 16th May 2023. (He was 50 and I’m 48- we had no children )
I am feeling like I’m doing ok - lots of wobbles along this awful journey.
I feel guilty when I have good days.
I’ve gone back to work after around 8 weeks off but I’m just not interested in life around me - yes I care about my family and those who are close but I just can’t bring myself to care about my job (which I love). Have I gone back too soon?
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I’m sorry you’ve had to join this club but on the other hand, it is very supportive. I went back on a phased return after 4 months. 6 months and still not full time. Will be on reduced hours when I go back in September , (school break).
I had little interest in most things as nothing really matters. I have family and friends but everything has lost its edge. I hope one day it will come back. I do love walking though.
I also went through a phase of wanting to change everything, as everything is a constant reminder of a life I’ve lost but that has settled now and can be a normal reaction.
Life is slowly getting easier but accepting it will never be the same, is hard.
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My heart goes out to you - my wife of 18 years died last Friday. I’m 55 and she was 54, we had no children. The last 5 days have been horrific, but everyone here knows that feeling all too well. 8 weeks is a short time for such a loss, but would it be better if it was 3 months? 6 months? Only you can know that answer. I have found out quickly that life has no meaning anymore, no one in my corner, I have no interest in anything other than wanting to be with my wife, wherever she is. I spoke to my wife’s brother today, over in the States. He said something amusing and I smiled for the first time since she passed, and I feel as guilty as hell for doing it. Keep coming back here, it’s working for me, I hope it works for you.
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@CliveH I’m going through the same, lost my husband almost 5 weeks ago and everything is just of no interest to me but then I’m with friends (have an amazing community around me) but when I laugh I feel totally guilty. It’s all so very hard, taking one day at a time.
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Its 4 months today since i lost my husband. I have been off work since as i support young people in my work and currently do not have the emotional resources to do this. I work in a college and the doctor has signed me off until the end of September, then im due to retire- we both were and had so many plans. I am coping better than in the early days, less crying although it catches me unaware at times. I do exercise and am training with a friend to do a 13 mile walk in aid of Alzheimers research in September. I have days when i do very little and others when i do more. I help my mum, who has Alzheimers and i look after grandchildren, but it is so hard without my lovely husband’s support. I carry a rock in my chest and a huge sadness with me. But as i said, i feel less ill than i did in those early days but i miss him so much and always will. Don’t feel guilt for moments of joy, embrace them as they will keep you going. Sending love to everyone on this awful grief journey.
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Hi i lost my husband suddenly 4th oct 2023 i still feel completely lost.dont want to do it on my own.the guilt of stiill being here is unbearable.I cant come to terms with not being the same person that i was.
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Thank you all for your responses - I really appreciate them and they make me feel like I am going slowly in the right direction. 
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Lost my husband two years ago feels like it is getting harder to cope.
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