Loss of my husband

Next week will be 6 months i lost the love of my life ,and tonight has been a bad night.The grief has just over welled me and i just want to be with him.My friends and family have been so supportive but until you experienced this grief i dont think they really understand how you feel,and i do put on a brave face when i see people.I have a table in our market 3days a week and today the other girls are all making plans for Christmas cant even think about that,and January will be a bad month as it would have been our golden wedding anniversary and its his birthday. My life just feels so empty, i looked after him for two years through his illness and now theres nothing.l am only 68 and still quite fit and have been with him since i was 14 years old,how do you move on from that.Family tell me i have a new life now and i can do what i want but i dont know what i want to do its so difficult to move on.
I would be interested to here other peoples thoughts of how you cope with life after going through this awful process as my life just feels so empty.
Thank you in advance.

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@Mollymay321 I am also almost 6 months from losing my husband so I know what you’re going through. I have good days and bad days. I find the best way to keep going is to keep busy which is easy during the day. I am going to do some volunteering next week and my dog has really helped me. I find the evening are the worst time. Weekends are not great either and we used to look forward to them. Oh how my life has changed! Yes you have a new life but it takes time to adjust to a new lifestyle! Particularly as it’s one we didn’t want! I’d never lived on my own before so that in itself has been a massive challenge! Just take each day as it comes and don’t be hard on yourself! J x

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Oh here here ! My thoughts entirely ! People seem to think youre just gonna wake up and its gonna be ok ! No its not ! Its a huge adjustment and i am same ! Never lived alone before ! Ever !!! Awful … and thank god i bought a puppy Xxx

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I’m nearly 6 months too. Miss him like mad. Trying to live, back to work, want to be positive but struggling. Some ok days even had a laugh but strange too. I’ve changed as a person. Never be the same xx

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@Jax2 @Lou33 @Deb5 @Mollymay321
I know exactly how you feel. It will be 6 months on 2nd Oct since Pete had his cardiac arrest and didnt regain consciousness. I’ve had his birthday, our wedding anniversary, grandson went off to Uni yesterday and so many other events that i wanted to share with him. Its my birthday next month and I’m officially retiring, although i havent been back to work sine it happened. I think that will be intensely triggering for me. Yes on the outside i look to be coping well, making plans and trying to be positive, but inside i feel a huge heavy rock and a deep sadness that he wont be part of the next phase of my life. So many dreams and plans for our retirement together. But I cry in private now, I talk about him a lot with our children and grandchildren and we laugh about some of the daft things he did. I try to keep him part of our family still. Ive never lived alone before and we also met as teenagers. Together 50 years, its taken some adjustment. But he would want me to enjoy my life and I’m really trying my best to do just that. Love to all going through this grief.

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50 years is a long time. My husband suffered a cardiac arrest also. We were married almost 30 years. I like talking about my husband too and the funny things he did. We have all lost our futures together and that is hard to come to terms with. I feel that deep sadness too! But I think I am ready to try and start to plan a way forward and start to sort my life out. It’s good you are trying to enjoy yourself, I’m trying too. I think our partners would all want us to x

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@Freefaller My husband h just retired! We had so many plans that have been taken away from us. You work all your life for what?? J x

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Hi All I’m just five months since my husband died. Yes I agree with everything you have all said. I’m so lost I don’t fit in anywhere anymore I’m definitely not the same person as half of me has gone. I try each day to get through but the tears just won’t stop I wish I knew what to do to get through this terrible grief it’s just never ending. Virtual hugs to you all stay safe xx

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@Jax2 i agree, my husband worked hard all his life and I really wish he’d had some years of retirement. Its something I’m struggling to come to terms with. Thats why we must all try to find our way through this grief and enjoy life. It’s precious and can be gone in an instant.

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I also agree. He worked all his life and we had so many plans for the future. We had a caravan we used most weekends. We went out in his motorbike to Buxton, lake district all over derbyshire Wetton Mill. We found lovely out of the way place’s mostly out with friends. Weekends and nights are the worst i have also found and plus, i never lived on my own, it terrifies me.

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I know … its not nice living on your own is it ? 9 months nearly 10 months in i still miss him being here and i hate living on my own too ! I think the key is to make friends and keep going out and doing stuff ! Even if its just for a walk !! ive got a puppy and she helps me make friends xx

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Oh God. I can say these thoughts and people know what i am going through and understand how i am feeling. I hate the loneliness but feel i should bare this on my own. I dont want my friends to stop calling or visiting, afraid of saying something that will upset me. I want to talk about Colin, i want to be able to cry without feeling guilty but i dont want to out them off coming around.

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I lost my husband in January. He had pancreatic cancer which was inoperable. So obviously we knew what was going to be the outcome. He died quite suddenly in the end one minute we were laughing and joking the next he was gone.
I don’t feel any better than I did in January in fact I think it’s getting worse. I want to be able to go a day without crying. He is on my mind all the time. I don’t know if that’s normal? Even when I walk the dog I’m planning in my head what I’ll say if anyone was to ask where he is. I think I’m losing the plot.

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You are far from losing the plot,or if you are then I am with you.
I lost my wife 16 weeks ago today and I’m sorry to say that not one day has passed without the intense feeling of being lonely,the deafening silence, the feeling that it hasn’t happened and that my Jacky will jump up and say fooled you.
Like you I feel this is something that I need to live through with the help of people like you on forums such as this.
What you are going through is the absolute pain of grief and the pain of what reality for us now looks like, again like you I have never lived on my own,I don’t have family near by and my wife was the only friend that I ever wanted or needed so I know your fear.
Stay with this forum,when you need it people will be here to support you and they will all understand how you feel
So no ! you aren’t losing the plot but my goodness it does sometimes feel very much that way for all of us in this exclusive club.

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@miker If this is what loosing the plot looks like then I’m with you. So much of what you say resonates with me. I have definitely thought about my husband more since he’s gone then when he was here. Before that we just got on with our lives, doing the things that couples do. I try to keep busy as much as possible which is my coping strategy but it’s a bloody lonely life and I’m not sure I’ll ever stop looking for him! J x

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Thank you for replying. I feel at the moment I need all the support I can get. I have a wonderful family and I fill as much time up with them as possible but they have their own grief and I really don’t want to dump mine on them too. I think they think oh mum’s ok and I probably have given the impression that I’m not too bad. The last few days have been awful. I don’t know why

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I thought I’d have Martin for a lot longer than I did. He was always busy and doing something new to the house. Now he’s gone it’s unbelievable. 12 months ago he was fitting a new kitchen! I just don’t get it

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@Cee64 No I don’t get it either. We did a 7 mile walk with our dog 2 weeks before my husband was taken ill and then he died in less than 7 weeks. I just wonder what life is all about sometimes! J x

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Donr be afraid to tell them youre struggling if you can …he was your husband so ofcourse its gonna hit you harder xx

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I sat holding my wife’s hand when the consultant told us 6 to 8 weeks but I didn’t believe him,I thought I could save her,even then I couldn’t accept that I would lose her and so when I did on the 7 week mark it sent me into this dark place that I can’t get out of no matter what I do.
Jacky made it worse by being so brave, this shocked me as I thought that I knew everything about her but the way she dealt with that last few weeks was something that I will never forget.

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