Thank you for your message.
I got on ok back at work this week but felt so awful today, a big wave of distress and sadness. Couldn’t stop crying this evening. Think it is the thought of the funeral on Tuesday, feeling very nervous now about it.
Xx
Hi @Jenny21
You poor thing, it’s so up and down and one minute you think ‘ok I’ve go this,’ then you feel knocked over by a wave of grief again and it feels difficult to cope and get on. I know I found the bit between losing my mum and the funeral the hardest in terms of being floored by emotion. My head teacher at the school where I work was great and she had basically said leave when you need during that period and although I felt I could do it, there were a couple of days when I had to leave. Do you need to go in today, the day before the funeral is such an emotional and anxiety filled day? I just worked the morning in the end.
Just try and take it very easy and be kind to yourself. Tomorrow is a very big day and you’ll need your strength to get through. I was so pleased that my mum’s funeral went well and was how she would have liked it, I think, that I had like an adrenaline rush on the evening of it but then a big low and overwhelming sadness the day after so work this week may be a step too far. Focus on yourself and your loved ones and lean of those around you who are there for you to get through.
I’m sending you love and lots of positive vibes over the next few days xx
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Thank you so much for your lovely, thoughtful message.
The funeral was a week ago today. It rained first thing but by mid morning it was beautiful sunshine. The service went well, we were pleased with the music and verses we chose, hoping mom would have too. I was so pleased to have most people there mom would have wanted, aside from those who couldnt because of work. We didnt have a wake as mom hated them so just had lunch after with close family. I coped ok but cried terribly at one piece of music in the church. Sounds daft but the flowers we chose gave me a lot of comfort, just looking at them during the service helped me.
By the evening we were all ferling overwhelmed and sad. I didnt go to work the next day.
Its been 5 weeks today, still feels unreal and scary.
Hope you have been ok? Thanks again x
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Hi @Jenny21
That sounds like a beautiful farewell for your mum and I hope you find comfort in being able to give her this special goodbye.
It doesn’t sound daft at all, I’m sitting in my garden at the moment having a coffee and my patio pots give me pleasurev. I think when we’re grieving there’s something about nature that is especially healing and remember you chose those arrangements for your mum so when they turn out beautiful that too is comforting.
I’m glad you took the day after off work. We chose to have a day out, just my children, husband and the grand baby and it was good to be with them but in honesty I think I was too sad and should have stayed at home but you never know what you need sometimes.
Thank you for asking I’m doing ok, just getting on I’m 15 weeks down the line and still feel moments of shock, sadness and disbelief that my mums not here.
Take care of yourself, it’s a very hard journey xx
Hello
Hope you have been ok?
Ive been coping ok generally, I work in a primary school so being at work really helped, especially after the funeral.
We broke up for summer holidays and the grief has been tough, ive missed mom so much. It is her birthday tomorrow. Think it has property hit me now, the finality of it and it hurts terribly.
Im lucky to have a lot of support but at night in bed it gets me. X
Hi @Jenny21
I’m ok thank you but like you not being at school feels harder.
I think the routine and focus of work has been a bit distracting and now I’m off I feel really sad a lot again.
I’m so sorry as I know how it feels. I think at nearly 5 months in, it is starting to feel more real and like you say final.
I’m away with my daughter for a few days which is lovely but I just keep thinking how much I miss my mum and how much I wish she was with us. I would give anything just to have a catch up with her.
I’m glad you have a good support network, I’m lucky too in that way but it’s still so hard to cope with this sadness.
I hope you have nice things planned for the summer holiday, things that will help ease the pain and hopefully bring a bit of comfort. I think I’m just trying to take each day as it comes and be busy but not too busy as I don’t want to ‘ignore’ the sadness as I think if I don’t deal with it now it’ll overwhelm me at some point along the way.
Thank you for checking in and post or message me if you want to any time you can’t sleep as my sleep is not that great either x
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Hi - how is everyone doing ?
Life gets busy again and in the way of grieving. I worry that I haven’t even begun to process it all - how do you even know ?
It will be 22 months without my lovely Mum on August 14th, I can’t believe it’s coming up for 2 years. I wonder how I’ve come this far and it feels so so long, my goodness I miss her so much.
I had a very rare while alone in the house and I went through some of her things I have - I can still smell her on them, my heart feels so broken without her here 
It’s just so hard isn’t it 
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Very hard I know, my mum passed away 8 months ago still not set in xxx
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It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do @kaz511 .
I’m coming up to five months next week and I feel like it’s getting harder. Maybe because the reality is setting in. It’s been a long time since we’ve chatted or I’ve heard her voice. I had a dream where I heard her voice a week ago and it was so sad that I woke myself up crying but it was also lovely to hear her booming voice! One I was forever sshhing 
I’ll never hear her again. I’m also on school holidays so have more time to myself. But I’m trying not to hide from it and allow myself to feel what I feel.
I’m sorry you’re feeling the pain too. Is there anything that helps or has helped over the last 22 months? Sending you love as you approach another difficult anniversary. X
Thank you @DollyP5 and thoughts are with you too. Time feels so long ago but at the same time it all comes back to you like it happened yesterday - so strange. I just can’t ever imagine the pain not being there I remember having a dream too of my Mum and it was wonderful to hear her voice again but then so sad when I woke up and remembered. I’ve only had 2 dreams with her in them - which I find strange as I think of her all the time.
I try to get out for a walk which helps and today I’ve been to the gym and a yoga class. Keeping focused on nice things helps, even small things like a coffee or good programme to watch.
Thinking of you too and I hope you have a restful weekend.
I know I find it weird too as that’s the only dream I’ve had about my mum, or the only one I remember. And she’s the last thing I think about at night and the first in the morning.
I’m glad you’re going nice things for yourself. I’m enjoying walking and I’m back to my usual yoga class which feels nice. I always think though that my mum would often call just after I finished and ask, ‘ did you do yoga?’
I agree even if it’s something little that uplifts you just do what you can. A good coffee, a bunch of flowers, a walk anything… you take care too and have a good weekend xx
Honestly U ain’t the only
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It will be 2 years on Tuesday without my lovely Mum. Time doesn’t heal, I miss her so much, nothing feels real anymore. How do I do the rest of my life without her ? It feels so heavy, I carry on day to day but so lost deep down
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Victoria you’re not alone…..I and many others here understand and have been through the same or very similar experiences. Our Mothers are our world - I know mine was. And I can empathise with every single thing you’ve said. 
I brought that book the day after my Mum died in June 2024. It’s still sitting her unread!