I lost my mum last September, and people may think its easier at my age I’m 70 and mum was 91, but I was very close to mum and saw her every day, to give her a target in life to keep her going if you like I used to plan little holidays for her and also big holidays I took her some nice cruises, now I still really miss her but there are times when I think I am coming to terms with it all and then suddenly it crashes down on me again and the tears and negative thinking begins again, I feel that as my own life goes on my life becomes more devalued by myself, I lost my wife when she was 43 and have had other upsets along the way, It makes you scared to be too happy because you feel that life will come and kick you again and destroy it. Just felt I needed to share my feelings, and hope all you people are coping as well as you can x
Hello John. I am so sorry to hear about the sad passing of your beloved mum. I personally don’t believe age makes a difference. You loved your mum. Your mum loved you. You went on holiday together and had a good life. You are bound to miss her and you are bound to be upset too.
My mam passed away 6 weeks ago. I am 60 years old and mam was 82 years old. Dad passed away 9 years ago so it left mam and me.
Me and mam lived together for 60 years. She was my world and I loved her, as she loved me, very much. The last three years mam was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. We lived together and cared for each other and I looked after mam with her Alzheimer’s.
I have a brother and 2 nieces. However, my brother got married at 21 years old. He visited me and mam about 2 to 3 times a week. When he came he was always on his phone. Mam tried making conversations with him, but his replies were single words or phrases.
My beautiful mam basically brought her two granddaughters up until they were in their late teens.
Even though they only lived a mile away, they only came to visit about three times a year.
When mam was taken into hospital they started coming a bit more to see her. Mam was released from hospital into palliative care at home. I was so glad. All of the nearly 3 weeks she was in there, she wanted to be at home. Nine days later my beloved mam passed away. I was sat with her. Stroking her hair and forehead.
I have never been on my own before. I feel so lost and lonely without mam. I miss her so much.
We are both very alike in our circumstances. Sending you all my support and best wishes. God bless. Stephen. 
Thanks for your reply Stephen, it doesn’t sound like you had much support through your bad times with your mum but at least you can have a clear conscience on that where as they can revisit their actions and regret not embracing the moment while she was here. I have a sister who never got in touch with my mum for 6 years over a petty argument and then slagged me off through e mails etc for not telling her when she was ill but she got no response from me. At 70 I still work part time as a handyman which helps keep my mind off my loss for a few hours, but I still miss her being here and planning holidays for her etc. I hope you have more good days than bad Stephen, I know the losses will never leave us but hopefully gets easier to cope with and accept. Best wishes.
Thank you John. Sending you all my best wishes. Feel free to keep in touch at any point that you feel like doing so.
I didn’t get or currently have much support John. As you say, me and mam were very close and we both loved and supported each other. The same can’t really be said for my brother and nieces.
God bless. Stephen
Thanks Stephen, same to you if you feel like you need to talk at any low times feel free, best wishes and hope you have lots of good days ahead.
John
Thanks John. I will keep in touch and see how you are doing.
Best wishes. Stephen.
Good morning John.
I just wanted to see how you have been doing in the days since I last contacted you.
We are both in similar situations. I lived with mam 60 years and you were with your mum 70 years.
I am still struggling. I don’t really see anyone much at all. I still cannot believe mam has passed away. It will be 8 weeks this Saturday since she passed away. It seems like a lifetime to me. I miss her so much.
I hope your part time handyman job is still helping to keep your mind off of things for a few hours.
I have tried volunteering. No one seems bothered. Two local hospitals don’t need anymore volunteers. I have looked into volunteering in a charity shop, but they require more than when I got my teaching job 36 years ago. They want: 2 professional references, a detailed application saying why I want to do it, a 30 minute facetime conversation followed by a taster session in the shop to see how I fit in. I could not believe it.
Sending you all my support and kindest regards to you John.
God bless and best wishes. Stephen
Hi Stephen, 8 weeks is still really raw so don’t beat yourself up about your feelings, the feelings of grief will never leave you totally but will ease I’m sure as time goes on, its been 9 months now since losing mum and I still have my moments of breaking down and wishing I could speak and touch her again but we have to stay strong because our mums wouldn’t want us to fold and they would say get on with your life. On the subject of the volunteer work I suppose it’s understandable they do all these checks because if it was our mums being looked after in any kind of way by a volunteer we would want them vetted, but I’m sure if that is what you want to do then something will crop up, at least now you know what is required and you can if you want get everything in place ready for when they do ask for any credentials. I hope you are having more better days than bad anyway Stephen, keep your mum in your heart and mind but remember to look after yourself because that’s what she would want.
Best wishes John
Thank you so much John. I am glad you are okay. Your advice is much appreciated. I will keep mam in my mind and heart always.
God bless and best wishes .Stephen.
I lost my mum Feb 2nd this year I’m 59 mum was 86 I miss her so much 
I put my life on hold for 17yrs to take care of her and now I’m lost heart broken can’t cry is there something wrong with me
Hello Fisherman.
Sorry to hear about the passing away of your beloved mum. I know you say you put your life on hold for 17 years, but you did it because you loved your mum very much and I am sure that your mum loved all the support and care you gave her through the years.
You are heartbroken. You will be. It is a heartbreaking loss. In terms of not crying I can only say that everyone grieves differently. It might be that in the days and weeks to come that you will start to cry.
However, even though you say you aren’t crying currently you are still mourning and devastated by the loss of your mum. Take each day as it comes in the best way you can. Well done for posting on here because lots of people are in the same situation and talking on here will help you.
God bless and I send you all my best wishes. Stephen.
Hello Fisherman, It is very normal not to cry. I cried non-stop for the first couple of days and it then became numb and surreal. I could not work it out as Mum and I lived together all our lives and I was not sobbing all the time. I then went counselling and found that I cried throughout the session, as I was almost functioning day to day but allowed myself to think and feel in those sessions. I now cry with triggers. It is strange isn’t it? The realisation of losing my Mum and what it means is too painful for me, so I think the mind goes into a protective mode and lets it out when ready.