Loss of my mum

Losing a parent
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Hi ,my name is calli ,i lost my mum on the 2nd of december just gone ,she lost her life to influenza and copd and chest infection ,she was 69 ,im at a loss of what to do ,i phoned and messaged her every day ,when she qas in the chapel of rest i found comfort ,seeing her ,talking ro her but we have only just had the service on friday 6th jan and i feel like just not the fact my mum has gone but my comfort seeing has now gone which was helping me ,im missing her so so much and i feel so drained ,work tomorrow which i dont want to go in ,im tired ,just want her back ,just feel so lost without her ,i feel so numb ,feel like i have nothing left in me no more now she has gone

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Hello @Callilou,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Seaneen

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I just want to reach out and say, so very sorry for your loss. I can relate wholeheartedly. My mam passed away on the 12th December. I was her carer, we were so close that we finished each others sentances. There is a huge void left now. I feel it too. I am here if you want to private message someone who is also grieving. It is early days and just need to take one day at a time. I keep telling myself that this is the price for deep love that we feel for them. Big hugs Xx

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I just want to say how sorry i am to hear of the loss of iyour mum,Awwwww thankyou so much for your reply ,i feel the same ,so lost without her ,that would be good ,im just finding it hard to get up and push myself to go to work and do things ,i feel ao numb ,yeah it is and i know but doesnt feel the same .big hugs back x

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Hi, Just wanted to say i lost my mum on Dec 30th and i feel your pain . We are all here to help each other so keep posting because there will always be someone who will reply to you and help you feel a little less alone I know this group has helped me so so much in just a few days Nothing will replace your mum as I am finding out but knowing there are genuine lovely people on here who understand what you are going through will help. Thinking of you Deb x

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Hello. I also lost my mum on 1st January to COPD and influenza. We haven’t yet had the funeral so everything still feels very unreal at the moment but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. It’s absolutely the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life and I have no idea how I’ll get through it.
I have just found this website today and I am hopeful that by talking to others who are going through the same thing we will all get through it together.
Sending my deepest condolences and love to you.

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OCn

Unreal is the word. My mams funeral is on Feb 6th so I am hoping by then I will at least be able to function a tiny bit better than I am now. I am lost without her. I just want her back. Nothing else just want her back.
Woke up this morn after getting up crying loads of times in the night. Didnt want to get up. Haven’t eaten Am just drifting through each hour. Feel like my life is over. It’s torture just existing without her. Sorry for keeping on and on . Just feel a little better when i write it all down

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Please don’t ever apologise for talking about how you’re feeling.
I understand how you feel, I just want my mum back too, I’d give anything. I wake up every morning and hope that it was all a dream but it’s not. My mums funeral is on the 24th and I am having panic attacks thinking about it, and really weird dreams that I wake up from crying throughout the night. I haven’t eaten properly since it happened, just small bites here and there. I’m hoping the same, that I will at least be able to function a bit better, as I have 3 children to look after, one who is only 3 months.
I just feel so so sad all the time.

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That’s how i feel. Exactly. Trying to put a brave face on is torture. Real torture. I can’t see how I will feel any different. Aww 3 children How I wish I had 3 little children. I am 64 now so it definitely will not happen but maybe I will have grandchildren one day lol. My son is 28 but no sign of settling down yet so I may have a long wait. Your children will get you through this . Believe me they will. Don’t worry too much about not eating because you will find you will just pick at food for a while. I know everyone tells me to eat but it’s easier said than done. Just take baby steps That is what I am doing. It’s hard but what else can we do other than drown in all this sorrow. Yesterday was full on for me meeting the registrar and undertaker so I feel exhausted today I have done nothing except sit and be so unhappy.

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Im so sorry to hear of your loss ,Thankyou for your lovely message ,i feel so alone and numb still ,i still pick up my phone to contact her ,the feeling is somthing you can never explain the pain ,thinking of you too :heart:

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So sorry to hear that you are on this awful journey too. I lost my mum at the end of October and have never felt so lost and alone in my whole life. I live next door to mum and spent the last year with her most days and she died so suddenly that I am still in shock.
What you are experiencing is shared with us all on here. We are all missing our mums and I know what you mean about being able to see her was comforting but once her funeral was over, there is just this ever lasting emptiness. I really feel for everyone who is in this dreadful ride of grief. Not sleeping, not eating, not wanting to live but having to get on with things, the disbelief that the world is carrying on when ours has stopped. All of this together with raw emotion and physical pain each day is so awful.
My family said I was torturing myself by going into mums house and crying, smelling her clothes and pillows, watching her videos and listening to her voice so I tried not to do all those things but it made me worse. My GP told me how when her mum died she would get into her mums wardrobe and sob and wail and smell her mums clothes, at the beginning several times a day and when she got out of the wardrobe she would feel better and then try and get on with her day. She said that gradually she needed to get in the wardrobe less and less until she was able to cope. I have taken this on board and although I don’t get in the wardrobe haha I do lie in mums bed and watch videos of her to listen to her voice and see her face again. It gives me comfort to feel closer to her.
Our mums will always be with us in our hearts and will live on through us and our siblings and children. They will be guiding and watching over us and walk by our side and I hope every day that I will get some more messages that she is with me or see her again in my dreams.
I probably wouldn’t have taken this on board in the first few weeks but more recently someone said to me, don’t let your mums sickness and her death and your grief define her life. And they were right. My mum was much more than all of that. She was funny, cheeky, strong, determined and loved her family. I can’t lose sight of that she allow these dreadful feelings over ride all of that. My mum was a fun loving character and I am trying my best to think of her as that each day instead of just someone who died xxxxx

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Im so sorry to hear the loss of your mum,my thoughts are with you ,im struggling every day ,the other day i picked up the phone to call her again ,i shake all the time ,im exhausted by teying ro get on with work and life ,i keep talking ro her and asking her to just give me a sign thata she is here with me ,im so lost ,i only really spoke to my mum and a day ro day basis ,i confided in her with evwrything and i feel ive lost comfort in everything ,im so numb ,like yourself i look at people around me and think how can they be getting on with there life when i feel mine has gone ,i push myself physically to go to work ,ive been late a few times and ive never been late for work ,i feel noone really understands the pain we feel ,i just want to sit and ve quite and do nothing .i dont know what to do or where to turn x

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I feel exactly the same. My husband has gone back to work and the kids back to school and I get angry with them for being able to carry on like life is normal. I know it’s not their fault and they can’t stay at home with me forever. The only thing keeping me from lying in bed all day is my baby because I know she needs me to care for her. Im trying to eat a little thing each day and making sure I drink enough as I need the energy however when I try to eat I feel sick. Well I feel sick all the time, like I’m being repeatedly punched in the stomach.
Not sure if this is normal but sometimes I will sort of forget what’s happened and I’ll be happy and laugh and smile with my family but then I remember suddenly and feel awful guilt for being happy. How can I be happy when I’ve lost my mum.

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Hi,
Oh how i resonate with everything you have said about the clothes

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I totally feel you’re pain lost my beautiful mam in October I’m still not and don’t feel i will ever be over losing here she was my best friend my rock the first person i ever loved and aleayswill x

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I dont know how i should be feeling ,i feel lost ,like i have noone ,i have a husband and family but somehow it doesnt feel the same ,i tqlk to my mum every day ,i feel like im losing it ,i just want her back ,i miss her so much ,i nevwr realized how much pain it has caused to know your mum isnt there anymore ,my pain is taking over me and i dont know how to control it ,i push myself to go yo work and feel guilty for working ,even though im just doing instead of feeling anything if that makes sense ,i keep looking for signs my mum is around me but nothing ,so i get frustrated and angry and feel so stupid .i dont know if i can carry on with this emptyness ,a dark hole .

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Hi Callilou
I really understand what you are going through Just tried sleeping but its no good Got up and came on line here just to help my own sanity I dont know where to turn I am beside myself with grief My mum was my best friend we went everywhere together and i just dont want to carry on without her. I have looked for signs all day but nothing and i am so upset

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I have also been looking for signs and asking her to please just show me that she is with me in some way but nothing yet. We’re going tomorrow to view her body before the funeral on Tuesday and I feel sick to my stomach knowing that I need to do all of this. I’m so so sad for everyone going through this pain too. I don’t see how we’re expected to just go on as though nothing has happened. I’m currently on maternity leave until August at the earliest so I’m glad I at least don’t need to worry about work but at the same time I just sit on my own all day crying. I had this thought in my head that things would get easier after the funeral but the more I read the more I’m realising that that’s when it gets even more difficult.