Loss of my mum.

I tragically lost my dear mum extremely suddenly while she, dad and I were on a week long holiday in Suffolk, somewhere near Lowestoft.
She was only 54, and I am 22, and finding it extremely hard to come to terms with. It’s been almost 3 weeks since she passed and I have already started going back to work, though I’ve not done too well on a couple of days.
I was diagnosed with Depression in August, 2017, and have been struggling with it because of mum’s passing.

I keep expecting her to walk through the door and give me a big hug. Even when dad and I found her, I was praying for her to open her eyes because I was, and still am in denial that she’s gone, especially since she was fine when I had gone to bed. She was just sleeping on the couch, dad had gone to bed already, and I decided to go to bed at around 3am, telling her goodnight and that I loved her.
Dad and I both heard what sounded like a door being opened, and both assumed she was opening the door that lead to the stairs so she could come to bed.
But she never came up.

I can’t stop blaming myself. What if I had woken her up? What if I had gone to check on her when she hadn’t come upstairs? Would she have been ok if I had done anything.

I just don’t know how to cope with this and fear that I didn’t let her know how much I loved her.

The worst part is that we don’t know how she passed away. The post mortem couldn’t find anything so now dad and I have to wait a few weeks to find out what happened.


I’m so sorry that you lost your Mum 3 weeks ago so suddenly & unexpectedly, it must have been such a dreadful shock for you & your Dad. Your Mum was so young too. I’m sure your Mum knew how much you loved her, please try to believe that.

It sounds like you’ve already been having a tough time with depression too. What support are you getting for that?

Are you & your Dad able to talk to each other? It’s so important that you have someone you can share your thoughts and feelings with.

When my Mum died & my world fell apart I had bereavement counselling which helped me deal with all the trauma and grief. It was my safe place each week where I could just say anything I wanted to. In some sessions I just cried. Perhaps it might be something you could consider? It might also help you deal with the blame that you’re feeling which must be so difficult for you to carry with you every day.

How is your Dad coping? It must be so difficult for you both not knowing why your Mum dies and having to wait a few more weeks to find out.

This forum has loads of lovely supportive people who will understand what you’re going through.

Please keep posting & take care. Trudy x

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