I tragically lost my dear mum extremely suddenly while she, dad and I were on a week long holiday in Suffolk, somewhere near Lowestoft.
She was only 54, and I am 22, and finding it extremely hard to come to terms with. It’s been almost 3 weeks since she passed and I have already started going back to work, though I’ve not done too well on a couple of days.
I was diagnosed with Depression in August, 2017, and have been struggling with it because of mum’s passing.
I keep expecting her to walk through the door and give me a big hug. Even when dad and I found her, I was praying for her to open her eyes because I was, and still am in denial that she’s gone, especially since she was fine when I had gone to bed. She was just sleeping on the couch, dad had gone to bed already, and I decided to go to bed at around 3am, telling her goodnight and that I loved her.
Dad and I both heard what sounded like a door being opened, and both assumed she was opening the door that lead to the stairs so she could come to bed.
But she never came up.
I can’t stop blaming myself. What if I had woken her up? What if I had gone to check on her when she hadn’t come upstairs? Would she have been ok if I had done anything.
I just don’t know how to cope with this and fear that I didn’t let her know how much I loved her.
The worst part is that we don’t know how she passed away. The post mortem couldn’t find anything so now dad and I have to wait a few weeks to find out what happened.