I lost my partner of 15 years 4 weeks ago. She was only 43 just finding it hard to think of anything else at the moment. Just wanted advice really on things that have helped people to get through the early stages to keep your mind off things. Thanks Ben
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Welcome to the forum @Btoots and sorry you find yourself here. I found in the early days and weeks just doing anything that gets you through the day. Don’t think too far ahead. For me keeping busy has helped a lot. Making lists of things to do or that needs doing so you have some structure to your day and something else to occupy your mind. I like walking and being with other people helps me. Others would rather be alone. Just do whatever you feel will help. Know that it will get better. I’m almost at the 6 month mark and although it’s still very sad and I miss my husband massively, I’m in a much better place than I was at 4 weeks. Take care.
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@Btoots hello
I’m 8 weeks into this hell I lost my Dad really suddenly . As @Jan17 has said making lists keeping a little busy in the day … I find morning’s the hardest so I get up and go straight out usually .
Things I have found to help are meeting with family - I go to my mums and have meal with her and some wine and we do a crossword . Sounds boring but it occupies us a bit .
Being out in nature - I spend a lot of time at mum and dads as they have a lovely garden with a lovely view.
Doing small practical tasks - weeding etc
Watching something quite gripping on tv like a true crime programme to try and take me to another place . Also I’ve read quite a lot , easy reading nothing too heavy .
I’ve also Listened to some pod casts and read a book on grief . It’s important to rest as well as grief is exhausting…
my life has changed beyond all recognition, it’s so raw . Not sure if any of this will help . Here if you need to talk anytime
Laura
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I wish my son could do more, he would just sit in the house all day if I didn’t suggest things to do . Losing his dad and his best friend in one is devastating. He still wants to be with him at over 4 months . He deeply sobs several times a day . I have lost my husband but I try to keep busy to numb the pain . It’s so hard supporting him
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Thank you for your posts. I lost my husband 6 weeks ago and have really been struggling to cope with the overwhelming feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do. I am keeping busy but can only sleep for a couple of hours and everything reminds me of him. I knew it would be bad but I didn’t realise how bad. My thoughts go out to you all going through this.
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@Billie7 I was like you not sleeping I got nytol but you can’t stay on them . I was still anxious so the gp put me on mitazipine lowest dose and I sleep well with them . Not up at four cleaning as I was
@Jol . From the time of this post you are still up very early. This is a good night for me. Normally recently bed at 10. Up at 12 then after 20 mins back to bed. Up again at 5 then again back to bed until my carers come in at 7:30. Today bed before 10 as I was exhausted and up at 03:40. Will be back to bed now. Have to sit up for a bit to let my arthritis ease. I hope the anti depressants help me sleep better once I start them. I hope you have a good day. Xx
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Hi Ben, sorry you find yourself here. My partner was 49, died suddenly. Together 16 years.
The beginning is hard and I would just literally focused on getting through each hour. Let out all the grief. The early weeks and months are hard but it does get easier.
There is no end to this trauma, there’s no point where you will get back to normal or all this will come to an end. But like all trauma, it fades and you learn to live with it.
I’m 10 days from being 8 months in. Life is different and I miss him so much but life is worth living and there are glimmers of hope for the future. I work, I meet friends, I go out, I laugh and have a good time but it’s far from what I had.
I have to think about life rather than just do live like before. Everything was easier but in time I will get there and so we’re you.
Be kind to yourself , let the tears flow and when you’re ready go out etc but just now go slowly and don’t think of the future, that hard right now for you.
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@Jol I know exactly how he feels it’s so hard when you had such a close relationship. My Dad was my best friend too but helped me with absolutely everything. I’m just glad I spent so much time with him .
Is your son on here . I could talk to him sometimes if it would help .
I have a young son he has just stared secondary school so it has forced me to do things . Take care xx
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Thanks @pudding my friend . I am back at work now as retired I wasn’t on sick leave . Only a few shifts a month to keep my bank balance happy .my love
I see you are a nurse. Shift work when you are full time must be hell. I did a few 24 hours when I was in IT to finish a project. The worst project I had was for toys r us. Short time frame. 08:00 to 03:00 6 days a week for 6 months. Only not 7 days as I didn’t want to kill my team. Would you believe my boss at the time said I wasn’t working hard enough? I left once the project was finished and went to work for Laura Ashley who were another of my clients. I admire all nurses.
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@Pudding thanks my love . Your past boss sounded like a monster . We don’t need people like that anymore . I have no worries tackling anything now the worst thing has happened to me . I only have to do 4 to 6 shifts a month to be okay . Off again soon . First 6 done and it’s been ok xx
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@Jol. To be honest i was much better off at Laura Ashley. Lovely boss who just let you get on with your job. I could go anywhere in the company to determine what might needed doing in data capture. Write a report and cost benefit it and he would then say yes or no. They were a great company to work for. Once when we had something that needed posting urgently I had 5 directors sitting on the floor stuffing things in envelopes. You got company car, clothing allowance, cheap lunch. Quite strange seeing all these women in floaty Laura Ashley chomping down on bbq ribs. Sir Bernard was a lovely man as well.
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