Loss of my Partner

I lost my partner to covid on 28th October. He was in a coma in ICU for almost 4 weeks before passing away. I feel strange, almost numb and empty. I feel I should be more upset but feel as if I started grieving as soon as the hospital put him into the coma to ventilate him. I just had a bad feeling. We were told on several occasions it would be unlikely he would surive so I started grieving then. The phone call on 28th was the worst call ever, They switched off his machines at 6.05pm that night. I have obviously cried a lot since then but after the funeral I have just felt as if it didnt happen to me if that makes sense. I am trying to get back to some sort of new normality but finding it difficult to keep motivated. I know he would want to me to keep going and move on but its lonely at the moment.

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Dear @Bellasmum4
My heart hurts for you, I do know how you are feeling, I too lost my big happy loving funny smart husband to covid. Unlike you I thought when they decided to put him into a coma for the ventilator that a few days to give his body a rest & then he would be OK.
But despite no prior health conditions, covid pneumonia & multiple organ failure took his life. We had a wonderful lucky & happy life together, the next chapter was to be early retirement.
I lost everything when I lost him 11 months ago. I have nothing left & no interest in being here without him. I have family but cannot even show them love anymore, I only feel grief.
I used to joke that if anything happened to him I would get a German shepherd as no other man could replace him. He was huffed that a dog could replace him.
So haven’t done it, but look all the time at GS pups. I know the company love & loyalty I would get if I did but I can’t even look after myself how can I look after a dog?
Take care, you & Bella will be good for each other. Its a heartbreaking journey.
You’ll find some help here hopefully & you can say/share anything- we all get it.

Oh Bellasmum, it is very very early days for you at the minute. I am so sorry for your loss.

You will be in shock at the moment, understandably so. You are bound to find it hard to get motivated.

Our lives are so lonely after the loss of our dear partners. Please keep putting your feelings down on here, talk to friends and family if you can.

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself as much as you can. It takes a long time for the numbness & emptiness you describe to go (if it ever does)

Give yourself time, grieving is a long process , but unfortunately we all understand.

Take care xx

Do it Maigret, get that puppy. You most definitely would look after it and it would help you enormously. A dog would never replace your husband, of course not, but it would start to heal your broken heart a little

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Wish I could janeyS but I’ve been in bed for 6 full days now, can’t pull myself up at all.
M

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Yes its hard to keep motivated @Maigret . Having Bella helps me as I need to get up for her to walk and feed her. I know its early days for me, I think im still numb and in shock to be honest, im here if you need to talk x and thanks @JaneyS x

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On a lighter note, I’ve just burnt the last 6 oven chips in the house. Toast for dinner tonight. Thanks, take care xx

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Bless you, thinking of you. Please try and look after yourself xx

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Take care of yourself, we’re obviously all eating anything to hand, it’s such a different life not one that any of us had chosen and such a hard road to follow, it’s four months for me now and it’s like I’m on automatic pilot, I can’t look to the future without my other half so just take each day at a time hugs to everyone xx

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Maigret

I have 4 dogs, I know it’s different because I already had them before my husband passed away. If it wasn’t for them I dread to think what would have happened to me, I very much doubt I would be here now.
Even on the worst of days when I just wanted to curl up & die I have had to get myself up & see to the dogs, I have had to get myself out of the house to walk them.
Do you have any friends or family who have a dog you could borrow? Just to have for a few days to see how you would get on with having a dog to care for? I think it could be a great thing for you to give you the motivation to get up & care for another creature x

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@Keskai. I am glad your dog family helped you find some routine & distraction, thinking of their needs shows how unselfish you were at such a difficult time.
I did borrow a dog a few times, a loving well trained well behaved dog & it was company for a while. She was so affectionate & it was good to hear noise & movement about this house that used to be a home. And she didn’t pine for her family either.
I need to be 100% sure (is anyone ever) that I can. or do I fling myself into tnis. I would hate to fail a wee pup at such an important time of bonding.
What to do… my man should be here telling me, he always knew…

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OMG what a sad story,no wonder you are numb and empty,who would’nt be after all that.Lots of love and hugs to you. Michael x

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