Loss of my son

It is reaching nearly 2 yrs since my son passed 22/1/2022 and my heart aches i cant stand this crying all the time when does it ease as i feel crap (excuse the word) but i honestly dont think i will ever get over than this


Two and a half years for me Jacci losing my son suddenly and crap is not too strong a word, I think it’s total despair , especially this time of year. It’s the relentless stabbing of guilt with me I think that stops me healing. If only I had done this or that he would still be here now, it never goes away . we don’t know the future and we do the best we can at the time, they are our children and for goodness sake we love them and try to take care of them as best we can , I know this but I just can’t forgive myself and think if only ! It’s all my fault , I should have known , been more aware , considerate, capable , what ever. Oh if we could turn the clock back and do it different every thing would be ok , but it’s never as simple as that is it. The covid situation made everything more difficult back then too. As mothers I think we feel more responsible and we should go first anyway not them. I don’t know how to come to terms with it either , never will, it’s not supposed to happen so how can we prepare ourself for it. It’s another world I am living in now and just trying to deal with it day by day hoping for some resolution some how. Some acceptance but it’s not an easy journey for us. We just have to keep struggling on day by day and deal with it as best we can. One thing you can be sure of I have learnt nothing stays the same and we should not take things for granted . Such a rollercoaster. Just have to roll with the punches and keep plodding on and turn into this site when it gets too much .Take care. X

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