Loss of my soulmate

Yep shopping for one ! Not good is it :frowning: i still wish every day he was here but you just have to go on dont you ! So would like a cuddle from him - miss that a lot - just the little peck on the cheek and an arm around me when life gets tough - thatā€™s all ! But this is our destiny and as somebody said to me yesterday he would want you to cope and be ok - he was a happy man himself ā€¦ but its still hard isnt it ? People who it hasnā€™t happened to dont really understand do they ? xx

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I feel the same you are right we need to rebuild our lives ā€¦its not easy but im sure in time we will

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Hi Jan, Deb & Mike

Thank you for your kind words. The little things get you like doing the washing and there are none of his clothes. I am sure we will all get where we need to be in time. Itā€™s a process we canā€™t rush through. Sending love to you all xx

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Yeh i agree we cant rush it can we. I still find just going out to meet people difficult. Its coming home and not having him here i find the hardest oh and looked in his drawer today to c all clothes i bought him that he will never wear again ā€¦ that made me cry xx

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I find its when i am nust having days with nothing to do the worst

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Yeh true :+1: but i find both hard. I enjoy meeting people i know whats happenrd but not strangers x

Geoff1, I suddenly lost my beloved Pat on 26th April 2020, so know exactly how you feel. All the furnishings around our house continually remind me of her, Iā€™m extremely jealous when I see other couples, I see adverts for clothing, perfume and Pandora that Pat loved, I visit new places and think how much she also would have loved to have visited with me.
A common cliche is ā€˜ It gets better with time ā€˜ No it doesnā€™t

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Aw i know ! You almost feel guilty for going new places without them.im sorry for you. Maybe you didnt work through your emotions properly when she passed. You take care and talk on here as much as you want. Theyre a friendly lot and everybody understands cos we going through it too xxx

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Pats passing took place during the pandemic so limited access at the funeral and no wake. I unexpectedly found her in the bath and get flash backs, never been in a citation like this even the death of my parents doesnā€™t even come close. We had known each other over 50 years. Never offered any counselling canā€™t see it helping but this is like nothing Iā€™ve ever witnessed in my 3 score and 10 years on this planet

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You poor thing ! That mustve been awful for you :frowning: take care and try to keep talking about it - ir does help xx

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Thank you to everyone who is posting on this thread. I am very busy this week sorting everything out and contacting people but i am reading the messages and it does help. I feel so sorry for everyone who is and has been going through this but we can all relate to each otherā€™s pain. I registered the death yesterday with a kind and understanding registrar and have the solicitor on Friday. It will be tough next Saturday the 18th when the cremation takes place and i may need some alcohol to get through Iā€™m slowly trying to sort things out in the house but everything I see triggers something. If I can help anyone or if anyone wants to talk about something I am watching all the posts. Take care all of you. My thoughts are with you.

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@Geoff1 I hope all goes as well as possible for you. Iā€™m also here (not as often sometimes as I would like to be) if you need me for anything.
Hugs
Karen xxx

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Aw your just at beginning geoff 1ā€¦ it gets a little easier ā€¦ i promise you ā€¦ you got a lot on. Take care x

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Geoff 1, i do hope the cremation service will somehow bring you comfort and a sense of stability when you maybe feeling unsure and uncertain about things. I was so dreading my husbandā€™s funeral service just 6 weeks ago, and didnā€™t even know if I would find the strength to go. But somehow I did find the strength and experienced such love for my darling man I couldnā€™t help but feel scooped up and held by everyoneā€™s warmth and affection. I know its sounds silly but i kept thinking if only he was here he would have really enjoyed it and been genuinely surprised and touched how many people loved and cared for him. I hope you find the strength (with or without a little alcohol) and feel comforted in being able to pay your final tribute to your Deb xx

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Yeh i was the same - big thing though snd takes a lot of strength ā€¦ all the best ā€¦ xx

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So sorry for your loss Geoff. You are not alone in feeling the way that you do and while that fact doesnā€™t ease the pain, maybe it can be some kind of comfort to you.
I lost my partner of 34 years at the beginning of December. For quite some time it felt unreal-as if it was some kind of dream that I would wake up from. That has changed now but as you said, I would not have believed just how brutal grief can be. I thought it was a process that I would ā€œwork throughā€ but I am struggling. Like you, the triggers are everywhere and some days I donā€™t even need a trigger to fall apart! There is nothing I can say to ease your pain but I hope that reading peopleā€™s messages and experiences at least helps you to feel slightly less isolated in your grief.
For me, I do not have anyone to talk to that have a shared experience which means that however well eaning people are, it doesnā€™t seem to help. At least by reaching out on this site you know that there will be so many people who just ā€œgetā€ how you feel As someone who is a little further down the line of this awful journey, I think that will become more and more important for you.
I donā€™t have any answers, if I did I wouldnā€™t be quite the mess that I am at the moment but I think that maybe having your grandchildā€™s arrival to focus on will be a help. Something so positive to look forward to, when it can otherwise seem quite bleak. I really hope that you can find some comfort going forward.

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Hello Geoff, your letter struck me in two ways.
Firstly, my husband died of MSA also. No one can ever imagine the cruelty of that disease unless they experience it. I cry so much about how my husband suffered, but also, like you, I feel such guilt that sometimes I just couldnā€™t cope with the illness and I lost my temper. That haunts me now, and is one of the hardest parts of grief.
I was completely worn out with trying to care for him, because I was up most nights and in the day as well. Nothing worked on his body, it had all broken down.
I wanted it to end, but now without him, I want my life to end.
The loss of him, plus the guilt, is just too much to bear.

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Geoff
You are doing much better than I did to have sorted out all you have.
But we are all different. Seems I am different having had my husband buried. Dad was cremated a d mum buried. I was more expensive but I am going to the same place. Hope it all goes off how you hope

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Hi Geoff
Im Kev I lost my wife on the 13 Feb 4 weeks ago. she was at home with me and her son, its such a hole they leave behind, Im wearing Izzys chemo hat / scarf around my neck, there will be a trigger around every corner, so donā€™t be afraid to cry, AND I donā€™t think any of us mind you rambling on, would Debs be laughing that you are?

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Aw ā€¦ just keep in being kind to yourself cos you have had a tough time - but i kniw what you mean i miss my husband so much too ! I wish i could turn the clock back and just emjoyed every second with him as i didnt know that he would only live for 6 weeks after his diagnosis - life can be very cruel ! I would do anything to have him here ! Nothing or nobody compares to him - its so sad to lose someone we love so much xx

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